160. Tie me up.

I’ve been sick for the last four days. Maybe five.

My aunt went to Florida when she left she left me pot. Score. I still hadn’t heard from Scotty I gave up texting him. I figured I had just lost him to rikki. And then the second I think he’s gone he shows up.

Uncle rich and I were doing blow watching movies drinking beer smokin weed. And he texted me. My sinus were finally clear from the yay but I knew I wouldn’t be able to breathe the next day.

When he texted me he said a job canceled and he was coming over.

Just seeing him made my insides melt. When he sat down next to me his arm was already behind me. I was glued to him. He felt so good. Smelled so good. It was almost painful to bear. I was so happy in that moment. It felt like winning a shit ton of money I can’t even count. His lips kept kissing my face and hair. His hand was intertwining with mine. I was so high from all the drugs.. But having him wrapped around me like that when I’ve been craving him for so long.. Was so surreal.

I couldn’t even help myself while watching the movie.. My hands wouldn’t stop touching him.. My hands wouldn’t stop moving and I’m sure after a while of touching the same spot over and over shit starts to hurt. Every time my hand moved he would put his hand over it trying to get me to stop. I was too excited. I was too happy.

I figured he would leave after an hour with some bullshit excuse. He stayed three hours unexpectedly. And they went by too quick. When he was claiming to leave him and I went outside to my car. Before we got in the car he was hugging me. I told him how much I missed him. He kept kissing me squeezing me tighter. When we got in the car his tongue was down my throat. He asked me how much did I miss him as he put his hand down my pants and then said never mind I know how much now.

I blew him off.. As I was doing it he asked me if he was the last guy to mess around with. I said yes. And he told me he figured that dan would have gotten to me by now. I sat up and told him it sounds like he wants me to move on. Like he wants me to fuck other guys.. And then he shook his head no and said no. That it was just what he was used to with me.

Hearing that made me hate myself even more. I get that he tested me. It almost makes me feel like he ignored me on purpose to test me.

I get that I’d fuck around on him if he ignored me or stopped calling me I’d go whore out. I don’t think he gets that I’m fucking crazy about him. It’s black and white no gray area.

I feel so played and so blah. But I’m still so high from seeing him.. From tasting him.. From kissing him.

How does another human being make me go so insane.

I’m still depressed I still haven’t got laid. All of these thoughts words and emotions are seriously getting to me.

I feel like I’m backstabbed like I’m at war with myself. And our sex lives are taking it to the next level. I just love him so much. If only he could see through my slutty self and realize that.

I like being treated like shit in bed. But it makes me think that he can only see me that way. I’m not seeing him enough.

Tormenting.

-L