151. recap

wow what an entry this is gonna be.. bear with me.

a lot has gone wrong.. but a lot of things are coming back together.

scotty and i had a great time two saturdays ago for daves party. a lot of cocaine was involved tho. scotty, me, dave (the birthday guy who just turned 30), dennis, and scottys sister tracie blew about 300 dollars worth of coke. i was up all night. i remember everything that happened. but i don’t want to go too detail. what happened that night hit home really bad. and i know that scotty wouldn’t dare tell a soul. to save judgemental views on me.. id rather not speak of what happened.

after that weekend..  labor day.. coming down from the cocaine crash.. ive grew emotional.. i was angry.. rikki was texting me stupid shit. and i just did not take it anymore.. i blew up on rikki. i blew up on scotty. i was so busy at work making shitloads of money.. and rikki was taking pictures of herself off of scottys phone and sending them to me. i screamed at scotty the next day.

i unleashed every negative thing ive said to myself about scotty directly in a text message. because i knew he would read them. he frustrated me so bad that i kept buying weed to smoke. i asked him to come talk to me after he got off work to smoke a blunt. so i did. and he even invites ian to the smokage.. then on the phone with scotty i started bitching even more. i have never bitched at scotty so much in one day.

after we smoked ian left and it was just him and i. he asked me.. "you really are grumpy arent you?".. i nodded my head yes and told him that im growing into the biggest bitch and that im snapping and exploding on the whole rikki situation and i dont give a fuck anymore im saying whats on my damn mind. im sticking up for myself. he sat there and listened. then he looked confused as if he didnt know anything. apparently her phone is shut off so she asked to use his. and rikki did it behind his back. i told him what happened and he told me he had no idea and that hes sorry and how fucked up it is.

and then i just told him straight up im not lying to rikki and i told him if you are going to keep fucking me.. then the more she talks and harasses me about how youre fuckin her.. ima tell her the last time because im sick of it. he completely understood. then left.

the next day was rikkis birthday.

i worked my ass off again. and then i caught wind he was at the bar with rikki on her birthday. so i went off (50 texts of paragraphs to scotty) again. i told him fuck you. i told him i hated him. i called him every name in the book. and i demanded him to admit he never loved me for the last three years.

we played phone tag all night. after work i went to the bar. it was pouring rain.. and he was calling me and we were yelling at eachother then we would hang up then id text him to say shit to my face.. then he said he was walking to the bar i was at to tell it to my face. he screamed at me over the phone "i used you for the last three years.. there ya happy? cause thats all im doin is tellin you what you want to hear" and id scream at him to not tell me that.. to tell me he never LOVED me at all.

he never said it.

after a while of walking i told him i would go pick him up wherever he was and then we can break up. he told me to fuck off and that he doesnt want to use me for rides and blah blah blah going on. then he told me he wasnt at the bar when i was texting him. and that he had a beer when she was up there. whatever. it ended up me crying my eyes out driving around. i told him i would drive around looking for him until i got pulled over.

he kept hanging up and hanging up.. but i noticed he would answer EVERY one of my phone calls. he never shoved me to voicemail like he used to. why would he do that?

i convinced him to tell me where he was since it was pouring.. and after 20 minutes of screaming at eachother he finally told me where he was.. i stopped crying immediately and we drove. i asked him to roll my last joint and he did. i pulled in my grandfathers driveway (which is kindof like the halfway mark between our houses) my grandfather doesnt live there.. its vacant. but still his property. it was about 1230 when we got there.

as we sat in the car we didnt argue.. or talk about anything that happened with us screaming at eachother. we smoked the joint.. and then he asked me to never call him a coward again. i agreed. then it was the same thing like before. im done with this bitch.. and hes telling me hes been telling her to leave me alone. shes well aware that were still communicating. but shes literally fuckin stupid.

ive been callin her a fat skanky bitch.. i hate this bitch so bad i just unleashed on this hoe.

on saturday him and i got another hotel room. he took off work to watch the michigan game and waited for me to get off work. i got the room for us and he met me there.. i had him pick up mcdonalds for me since i was hungry. michigan is my favorite college football team.. and scottys.. i was letting him know what was happening in the game.. because we were losing.. and it was soooo sick how we came back.

when he got to the room everything was more intimate.. we just have so much fun around eachother. he will kiss me and touch me.. all at the right times.. right spots.. i was so happy.. happier than ever.. the sex was the best part of course.. were perfect… i feel like if there was first place in sex.. we would be it. its weird i almost feel like a pornstar or something crazy when im with him. idk.

he had to wake up at 4am. i let him sleep for two hours.. after he left rikki woke me up in my sleep.. i was so pissed.. so i kept telling her yeah he just left and blah blah blah. talkin my shit.

then he called me ten minutes after that.. and i guess rikki is telling him what i said. i told him i didnt care. im done taking her shit. and he asked me to leave him out of it.. i told him "hey if youre mad at me over this shit then oh well.. because there is no leaving you out of it.. the whole reason rikki and i hate eachother is because of you"

he told me hes not mad at me.

since after that day he has seen me every day.. yesterday three years ago is when scotty and i fucked for the first time. and every day that he’s seen me he kisses me.. and i havent been blowing him off every time like i used to.. we will just smoke kiss and then part and say we’d see eachother the next day.

monday night he told me he would smoke with me before i had to work on tuesday.. when i woke up tuesday he said he was on his way to chicago.. i cried.. i was so pissed.. and then he told me he would be back before i got off work.. and during work he was thinking about canceling because he was tired and hungry.. and i told him id bring him some food.. so i brought him a calzone the way he likes it.. he kissed me like ten times and i went back to work.. and he would wait for me to get off.

i got off last night at 11.. happy it was three years ago.. he called me and told me he was at kimmis.. so i went over there.. we stayed for a half hour and i told him id take him home after we got high..we stopped at a gasstation so he could buy me cigarattes.. mountain dew.. and he bought sour patch kids for himself.. he gave me a few though..

we stopped going to bars to hang

out.. we stopped drinking.. he told me he was going to see me today.. and he decided we would go out to eat.

him and i have planned for cedar point oct 1st.. my wish is finally coming true he knows ive wanted to go so long..

and in november im going to florida.. and around thanksgiving him and i have other plans. =]

so theres the crazy update..

i gotta shower and get ready for the date with scotty..

i know i missed a chunk of shit.. but i am trying to catch you guys up sooo much!

love you all

-L