148. mr. saxobeat.

im up and down again. moods are crazy. my period is over ten days.. and almost every single half hour to an hour i drop a huge clot. its been 11 days and it doesnt seem its going to stop. my mood is hit. this is so frustrating. ive looked up on the internet.. everything i read up about it makes me nautious so i click out. WTF.

sunday night i went to teddys.. this really fine guy who likes me a lot. ive been pretty much pushing him away though.. scotty was texting me the entire time i was over there.. he didnt know i was at another guys place.. but he demanded a blunt for us around 4am. i missed him. i wanted him. and sitting with teddy.. yeah hes hot.. but.. why do i want scotty so much.

not only does this guy remind me of scotty the hot way i like it.. but this guy is a scotty with EVERYTHING i want in scotty. teddy is more affectionate.. tells me he misses me.. kindof up my ass.. even though i CRAVE that small amount of attention from scotty.. the way teddy does it is kind of a turn off. maybe because i barely know him.. and were still getting to know eachother.. but for some reason this guy sounds like he can really get my mind off scotty.. yet.. at the same time.. im craving scotty.. or thinking of him more.. or comparing how teddy isnt scotty.

teddy and i havent even kissed.. but i blame my rag simply because i am irregular.. and since this is happening.. im so pissed about it.. and using it as an excuse to push all of my activities with my friends and family away. i really dont want to do anything when im on the rag.. even though i still went to teddys he was shocked i actually came over.. when i thought about it.. the actual reason i came over was to get weed for scotty and i.

i lied to him and said it was for my aunt. stayed for an hour still texting scotty.. telling scotty how nice i am to him and how he should show me more appriciation.. as teddy is getting to know me asking me questions and making me laugh.. my whole mind and body wanted scotty right then and there.. and i wouldnt see him for hours..

after i left teddys i went home and laid down.. i texted scotty that i was going to get a few hours and for him to call me.. i figured he would meet me at my house after waking me up smoke and then go home.. little did i know i had to wake up pick him up from coreys and then drive him home.. and here comes the crazy part.

after i pick him up i was just so angry.. and exhausted.. most of all pissed i kept going to the bathroom all night dropping excessive amounts of blood. i almost got two hours of sleep.

when scotty got in my car.. he asked me if i was tired. my face was just pissed.. even though i wasnt mad at him.. i was kinda focusing on smoking the bluntand feeling better.. we were about 5 minutes away from his house.. we were stopped at a red light… he lit the blunt and passed it to me.. he was complimenting me asking if it was dro.. and when i said yes smiling he was telling me how good ive been to him lately.. he passed me the blunt i hit it.. and heard scotty say watch out as i blew the smoke out the window. a cop had turned left in front of me while i was stopped at the red light. he seen my big cloud of smoke exiting the window.

i look in my side view and the cop slammed on his breaks.. a van stopped behind my car.. and the cop turned around after slamming on his breaks pulling up right next to my car.. on scottys side. as he was turning around i gave scotty the blunt to put it out.. and scotty asked me if he turned around and i said yes.. we both kept our heads straight and had no idea he was next to us.. the blunt was out and scotty shoved the blunt in the impossible hole in my center console.

when the light turned green i began to cry. i kept saying were getting pulled over. the van behind me was going a slower speed and the cop leveled his speed with mine.. i was going two miles under the speed limit. and he was literally staring down scotty and myself through his window doing 40mph.. scotty told me to turn at the blinking light.. i couldnt feel my legs.. i was petrified.. its 430am, the cop kept going and didnt pull us over.. but holy fuck if we didnt put that blunt out both of us would go to jail.

even bigger problems arose when we pulled over.. we had to get the blunt out of the impossible hole.after himand i climbed in the back seat it took us twenty minutes to get it out. not even going into detail of that shit.. wasnt fun.. but it was well worth it smoking the rest of it, fucking cop man. scared the fuck out of me.

as we were smoking him and i started talking about our most recent encounter. i was asked to have a threesome recently and i loved the idea.. the idea grew into two threesomes.. us two girls will please scotty and her man separate times.. its been a long time searching for a female for us.. and scotty being so picky.. he finally likes what he saw when i sent him a picture.. and was completely down. i am so excited.. the plans of this are going well. him and i discussed what her and i were planning through.. he had a few concerns with protection but i respect his wishes and will follow his rules. the plan for this wild fuck will be happening in november =] and both scotty and i are extremely excited.

after talking about everything stoned for an hour.. his hands went up my thigh.. and i put my head down explaining that im on the rag again.. he got confused since i was on and off on and off for the first seven days.. then out of no where its just crazy heavy. i told him how bad it sucks being me and all i really want was to feel better.. he hugged me and kissed me..

he kissed me hard.. deep.. pushing small tongue.. slow.. his eyes were closed and i noticed mine were staying open.. he never kisses me this long. his hands reached my face.. my hair.. just kissing me under a street light.. kissing me so slow.. unlike usual him and i cram our tongues down eachothers throat.. this tho.. was so slow. it felt like slow motion..

i ended up blowing him.. i wanted to.. i dont know why i love sucking him off so much.. i think i love that guy too much.. after all of our messing around he was talking to me.. telling me that he has never fucked any other girl the way hes with me. he explained that our sex is so strong that were on a whole different level when we fuck. i told him it feels like fire when hes inside me. he said it feels more than that. he held my hand..

i told him i was going to miss him.. and he told me not to think like that.. and i said we probably wouldnt see eachother in atleast a week.. and then he told me how we always figure something out to see eachother.

as he exited the car he gave me a huge hug.. i buried my face in his shirt breathing in smelling him. when he got out of the car before he shut the door.. he told me i was so beautiful.. goodnight and sweet dreams. he shut the door and walked away.

i drove home.

my body is fucked. i feel like im never getting off the rag. its been ten days of this shit. i just want to feel him.. i work every damn day.. 45 hours this weed.. gosh i miss him.

i didnt get to see him today. i worked 5 to close.. and i bled through.. it shit on my whole day. constantly pulling my shirt down.. feeling like a complete idiot. when he texted me he said he was at coreys about to go home.. but the text was delayed because i didnt

know he sent it until 45 minutes later.. i asked him if he could come kiss me i had a horrible day.. he told me he was already home and for me to get some sleep.

i hate this. i love him. i hate being a girl. i hate being emotional. i hate crying. i hate mood swings. i love sex with him. i love him. i love his touch.. and i just feel. so torn apart.

i hate being disfunctional like this. i feel like this blood shit is ruining my whole damn week.. maybe month.

UGH.

-L