129. the fight

last night i was so frustrated getting home from up north. havent heard from scotty.

but i got my new phone i have been playing with which made me feel better. after i posted the last entry i posted on facebook how upset i was..

ashley invited me to the bar and maybe make me feel better. coreys dad posted on my post too saying he’d meet me there.. and dubs said he would come up to celebrate.. so i figured.. shit why not.

my mom went shopping at joann fabrics i was by myself so i went to the bar.. when i first got there i seen corey’s mom setting up to perform.. she gave me a pair of CUTE CUTE CUTE wedges i immediately put them on.. and put my flip flops in the car.

coreys dad texted me saying to open a tab since he missed my birthday.. by the time coreys dad arrived i was 6 whiskey sours deep. then ashley and i did a red headed slut.. then something else. dubs finally got there..

i texted scottys phone again saying.. "youre driving me up a fuckin wall scotty. you’re breaking my heart. what the hell did i do?"

two hours later as im drinking at the bar.. he replied.

"you talk so much shit when youre drunk besides that.. i will have your money in a few days"
wtf did i do? why are you mad at me.. im sorry i dont remember when i talked to you up north.. i was hammered with my family
"you dont remember"
i dont care about the money then keep it if youre so mad at me. i know you dont want to see me now
"i dont have time to deal with your black out bullshit. and you know im not like that. youll get your money"
what do you want me to do?
"nothing"
will you please call me and talk to me?
"no"
so now youre just done with me?
"what do you want me to do?"
i want you to talk to me. just keep the money then. because you dont want anything to do with me
"fuck you"
why what did i say? im sorry.
"im at the bar without you havin a good time"
well excuse me for trying. have fun
"whatever"
then stay mad at me because i dont even know what i fuckin did
"thats the issue you dont remember"

by this time he called me four times saying his words and hanging up on me. i could tell he was drunk but so was i.. i acted more sober.. the more he got mad.. the more i got sober.

dont get me wrong i still enjoyed myself. i did get scotty to cave in though.. he told me he was at the ave. and i left the bar at 12:45 to meet him there. i get there and blew up his phone sitting in the parking lot.. he didnt answer so i just went inside. i stood next to him until he noticed me.. he led me to the table he was sitting at. i sat down.

we bickered like a married fucking couple.

"what do you want to drink lin?"
nothing. ill stay sober
"shut the fuck up.. tell me."
nothing.

he grabbed my face.

a whiskey sour.. there.

he came back with our drinks. he talked to me… introduced me to more of his friends ive never met. when we were in our own conversation.. i told him that i just missed him so much and that i havent had much time to spend with him.. or see him.. because both of our lives are so hectic filled with drama and work and money and bullshit.

his response.. im not word for word.. but it was something like.. "listen lin.. im 27 years old.. i want to settle down with my girl.. who is supposed to be YOU. i cant listen to you when youre blacked out. you piss me off so bad. you left me over 10 voicemails that night.. talkin SHIT. all your friends think my heart is made of stone and its not. and you know that. im sick of you getting drowned in thinking im cheating on you.. or that im fucking telling rikki the same things i tell you. you know damn well i want you. you know damn well i love being with you. you know damn well im with you. so fuckin quit with this shit because when youre blacked out drunk you spit so much shit at me its unbearable."

i had tears in my eyes but none had fallen. i couldnt even look at him in the face. i was staring at the ground and my face shriveled up holding a break down begging me to come out and just explode with tears. he put his hand on my face ridding the tears that wanted to fall. he told me to stop and kissed my forehead.

he introduced me to more people at the table then he pointed out a waitress talking to me in my ear.. "see that waitress? she came up to me like ‘ohh you look like fun.. want to buy me a shot and give me your number?’ so i told her i was half married.. and she said ‘oh well that dont matter’ and i said it does because shes on her way up here so you might need to steer clear"

i asked him wait what? married? and he said.. half married. i smiled because the bitch was pretty damn hot.. im shocked he said that to her.. she looked at me.. stared at me actually as he was talking in my ear. i mean im not exactly overweight but im definitely not skinny. i have a pancake ass. and not very big tits. he just blows my mind sometimes. i didnt even have make up on.. and this girl looked like a ten. like she could actually strip if she wanted to. and i have scotty MAD at me. telling me he wants to be with me. granted i know he was drunk. but i just dont see it. even scotty himself doesnt know why he wound up with me.. i have no ass. that guy is an ass man. obsessed with jLo ass. idk.

we closed the bar. he said goodbye to everyone at the bar.. a few of his friends hugged me.. and scotty walked out with his arm around my neck.. we get in the car and he asked me where we were going to talk.. i asked him if he wanted to come to my house.. he said he wasnt going to stay because a friend of his texted him saying someone had died at their apartment complex and he insisted he was walking there.. i was upset.

i felt like he was mad at me. and then i felt like he was clarifying that he wants me to straighten up my alcohol. i was mixed emotions. i was so confused.. i kept putting my head down on my steering wheel.. he kept holding my hand in my lap.. squeezing my hand. telling me he has love for me.. and his protection over me isn’t going to change no matter what i do. he kept asking me what was wrong and what was on my mind..

i was frozen. i was just so upset and i couldnt figure out why. i just missed him so much. i wanted him in my bed with me.. i wanted him to hold me until i fell asleep.. and i would even still be upset if i woke up to him not being there. he grabbed my face he started kissing me everywhere.. my neck my ears.. my mouth.. kissing me hard.. when we parted he said he had to pee.. so he pissed in my driveway.. when he sat back in the car we talked more.. i asked him about something that kelly told me that scotty said to her about me.. it was something along the lines of "you know kelly.. im supposed to be lindas man.. were supposed to be together.. but why is she fuckin all these other guys?" which made me believe he didnt trust me..

i didnt even say kellys name.. or what he said.. he already knew what i was talking about.. and knew i heard it from kelly.. when i asked how he told me he knows everything.. he admitted he said that.. but he also informed kelly that

he knows everything ive done with other guys.. and i told him i stopped messing with other guys.. i froze up feeling like a whore.. he told me "linda this is between you and me.. fuck your friends and fuck the other guys. youre mine end of story. you dont have to worry about that. you tell me the truth and thats that. thats all i need. thats what makes me happy."

he started kissing me.. biting me.. going up my shirt.. sticking his hands down my pants.. he put both hands down my shorts. one in front and one in back.. i went crazy. i nearly collapsed on him.. i laid on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.. he asked me if i came.. i shook my head no. he asked why i was lying to him.. and then he asked me again if i came.. i didnt move my head or say anything.. he told me.. "you know i can always tell when you cum so why are you lying to me.. whats wrong?" i simply just told him i hate when he is mad at me.. it devestates me that i might lose him. he said he was here now.. and that he isn’t leaving me..

it was almost four.. he told me to get into bed and get some sleep. i begged him to let me take him to the apartment of the murder. he wouldnt let up. which upset me even more.. i started getting emotional.. and more worried. he told me i could take him a few blocks away and then he was walking there to check on his friend. i asked how he was getting home and he said he would find a ride. as i dropped him off he promised me hed buy me my birthday present.. the hotel room with just him and i.. and the drive in. im happy i just wish it was happening sooner..

 

today he called me on the way to marisas babyshower.. he told me he had to work tonight and there was no way to get out of it.. i was bummed. but i still got to see him before he went to work.. i blew him off. it was fucking hot. he was choking me.. blahhh.

im getting so sleepy sitting here.. and just thinking about seeing him today.. wow.

we are hot then were cold. we are insane sometimes.. blah.

-L