114. The “break” edit*

So I know that last entry he was flicking me off smiling at me when we split up. But he is cleary punishing me for my actions on Friday. Yeah. He’s not calling. Haven’t talked to him since Saturday morning. This is fucking ridiculous. I really don’t want to be around. I mean damn I know I was drunk but shit. He’s not even going to call me? So i figure he’s still mad and needs a few days to cool off. But now he won’t even call? Going from calling me everyday like five six times a day just to talk to me. To not calling.

Okay. Fuck that. Unacceptable. Is it just me? I knew this was going to happen. I swear I really hate that guy. All of the memories going through my head for the last three fucking days are him fucking me over throughout our whole relationship. Every bad fucking memory of us. Is all I can fucking think about I’m so pissed.

And each day that goes fucking by pisses me off even fucking more. What the figgity fuck. This is bullshit.

I’m a fucking wreck. Last night I went to the pub for a beer. I was outside smoking and I overheard this guy say scottys brothers name (who is in prison for life). As I was leaving the bar that same guy asked me why I didn’t work at the pub. So i turned around to answer his question. Which led to me telling him about scotty and I being together. The guy flipped the fuck out and demanded I call Scotty to come up to fight. I eventually said no and walked away after I got his story. Scottys brother murdered his brothers best friend. Which is why his brother is in prison then he also mentioned that his brother was murdered just five years ago in a different shooting. Driving away I felt like I seen a ghost. I told Corey that if he talks to Scotty to have him call me and it was really important and urgent. He told me okay.

Then going to my best friends house her husband told me Scotty was over playing video games with him and that he just left about an hour before I got there. I was so pissed. He is mad at me. Fuck that. And then this guy at the pub was talking shit about Scotty.

I’m fucking freaking the fuck out. Fuck fuck fuck. I don’t think i should even tell Scotty anything. Or even try anymore. I want to move the fuck away. It’s so easy for Scotty to just ignore me for days.

Man fuck this. I hate him sometimes I swear.

-L

EDIT*

so i updated the above with the ipad. just fixed my computer and realized that half the title was missing..

i just got off the phone with scotty. he called me. i feel a lot better. i apologized again for friday.. and he told me i should be apologizing to kelly instead. which her and i already talked but we both had no memory that night.

i explained to him that i was just uncomfortable because melissa was there and he understood and told me it wasnt a big deal and that i was just being a huge bitch that night.. but he told me everything was okay.. and then i told him about the pub incident.

he was getting really fired up on the other end as im explaining some guy was puttin his name down. it turned me on. he told me he didnt know when he would be off from work but he missed me. im glad he called.

its amazing how i go from rant and when he calls im mellow and happy again. isnt that a sign of were not gonna make it?

blah so hot and cold. i think im delusional.

i love you all. reading your entries now. =]

-L