101. all i really want..

is to get laid.

seriously you guys wouldnt believe the stress ive been going through.. i care but i dont care that scotty read my diary. he knew way too much to begin with. plus i was suprised he could read several entries in a short amount of time. he couldn’t have read everything.. probably skimmed looking for his name. either way. he already knew too much about me. now he just can’t think im a crazy psycho bitch.. ever.

well in last entry i ended up going home urked and pissed off with him.. i just wanted to get laid. even though i did get laid with a quickee.. i needed that ten or twenty minute fuck to knock me over.. and steal my breath.. which didnt happen!

so tuesday i went to the store for my dad. i was so irritated with scotty he didnt call me the next day.. even though was texting corey while he was at his house i still didn’t hear from him.. alllll day. so i was like fuck it im takin my money and going up to the pub. i get there around 6pm. drank my first beer.. ashley calls me..

"can you find a dime.. of regs?"
no one has them moo. its too small.. why?
"scotty is looking for a dime"
WHAT?! who is it for?
"who do you think?"
are you fucking kidding me ashley.
"no.. not kidding. hes here."
ill be there in a minute.

i left my 4 beers at the bar and came over.. i was a snotty bitch to him.. and he passed a bowl to me.

"whoa wtf is your problem?"
oh nothing.
"you’re mad at me arent you?"
oh yeah.
"because of last night?"
yep.
"im sorry i was so tired.."

i just ignored him and i was pissed off at ashley as well for the shit she pulled that night when i COULD have gotten laid. people just dont understand when i need something i fucking need it. so i called my aunt to see if she would hook me up.. she said she would. i just wanted to get this overwith so i could finish my beer at the pub.

i held out my hand and told scotty to fill it..

"what do you want?"
give me money…
"i gave you money last night and you robbed me.. took my condoms.. half pack of cigarettes.."
at least i left some cigarettes for you.. and dont worry you can have the condoms back.

he got closer to me..

"well where are you goin to get it.."
my aunt.. and its not regs.. but shes nice to me so..
"all i got is ten for it.."
come with me then..

ashley was explainin to corey about why she was mad at me and i was just so irritated. i started walking to my car. he followed me.. it was raining..

we drove there.. and on the way he kissed me.. and told me he would make up.. and that him falling asleep just made up for the times hed fuck me for 6 hours all night.. yeah right.. he kept sayin i robbed him and stole his condoms.. so i said he could have them back.. and then i asked for who.. damn right.. NO one. =]

i made him roll it on the way back so i could hurry to the pub.. he had to work a strip.. (all night) we smoked and i went back to the pub.. before i got in my car he hugged and kissed me in the rain.. and told me he’d call me later..

when i was at the pub.. my girl kelly was being talked about.. hard core.. and i knew it just wasn’t right.. so i started usin my voice talkin shit back.. one thing you cant do with me is talk SHIT about one of my friends.. i dont care who they are to you. pete (the bouncer) was braggin like he was still bangin kelly and shit.. and cindy (the owner) was sayin kelly talks shit on facebook.. and i fuckin went off.

i texted kelly the entire time.. it was kellys birthday for christ sake.. she just turned 33 and was sick so she couldnt go out.. the time i was texting her listening i told them i was texting scotty.. because i was a lot happier when i came back to the pub feeling better since scotty would make it up to me.. i go outside to smoke and pete is telling me hes trying to get kelly a job.. and talking about buying her presents and shit.. dude she doesnt want you.. she just gave it up to you because you wouldnt fuckin leave her alone.

shit is retarded. so i went to the bathroom and called kelly.. i told her i had one beer left and i was going to see her and tell her wtf i was hearin.. i drank my beer as soon as i get out of the bathroom theyre talking shit about her AGAIN.

are you fucking kidding me dude? i downed my beer and then left.. went straight there and just spilled everything. kelly has done so much for me.. im not used to the one being involved in nonsense.. but no way will i let anyone talk shit about my friends. no way. if my friends talk shit about my other friends believe i will say something. shit is just wrong.

after i made kelly feel better i went home.. laid down.. getting ready to pass out.. and scotty called me at 3am. i answered.. he was surprised i was awake.. and that he has an hour and a half to burn around 4am. so i said he should come to my house and come in my room since my dad leaves at 330. so i figured wow he actually can pay his debt so i can get laid… and when its in my bed.. its really good. but he told me he didnt want to sleep since my bed is like a sleep trap for him.. so i told him id keep him up and id be the one laying down.. he said i should rest my head until he calls..

i woke up at 9am the next day.. never called. how fucking irritating is that?! again.. didnt hear from him all day.. so i was pissed..

corey (ashleys husband) was iming me all day on facebook.. telling me to come smoke.. so i do.. and he bought me cran grape.. i have a drug test tomorrow. JOY. so i went home and told them i was hibernating.. ashley called me around 4.. asking me if i could find any regs.. i said no.. no one had it and that i got it from my aunt the day before because she hooked me up. so we hung up with eachother..

TWO FUCKING HOURS LATER.. scotty calls me from willys (his other co worker)

"ashley told me you cant smoke anymore?"
not until friday i have a drug test.. so after i pee ill be able to smoke.
"yeah that weed she called you for was for me i went over there and she smoked a bowl with me.. and im waitin for corey to come home to maybe smoke.."
you went to my best friends.. without calling me.. or stopping to see me.. and she never told me it was for you.. why are you going through her.. corey is fishing..
"well corey should be home in 15 minutes and when he calls me ill just come over and come see you since i have to work in about a half hour.. so ill call you back in 5 minutes.."

he called me back in 15 minutes.. and said corey never called him. then after i hang up with scotty.. oh yeah. im fuckin pissed dude. to no end. he knows im upset he mustve asked me 3 or 4 times what my deal was. fuck that.

so after i hang up with scotty so he could go to work.. i texted ashley..

ash, im having a break down..
"i wish you could find some regs.. scotty was over here looking for it.. why are you about to have a break down?"

i fuckin lost it and cried my eyes out. i know im overreacting and there is nothing going on between scotty and ashley. and im just stressed

because i cant smoke until i pee tomorrow..

but COME the fuck on.. does anyone see how fucked up that sounds?! after ive been waiting to get laid.. or for some affection at some point.. and of course scottys working out of state all fucking day today..

and the weekend im fuckin booked. im so pissed.

i really just DONT fucking get it. am i stupid or what?

-L