episode 86.

really fucking sick of everything.

last night rikki didnt call once.. then this morning.. as i was thinking about scotty it rang once from her.

it could be him but really i dont give a fuck if its either. i am SO irritated with the whole situation.

i started my period. thank god. that was weird. im sure it was just stress.

i stressed myself out enough to not bleed over his birthday. and then he fucking gets mad at me?

im starting to force myself to believe that hes fucking rikki this very second

and thinking about that really pushes me not to give a flying fuck for either of them.

just a whole drop out for them.

have a nice fucking life

yet when i constantly think of the situation i know he is doing the same thing. i know im in his mind.. buried there.. i know hes always thinking about me.. thinking about calling me.. probably counting the days he hasnt talked to me.. trying to teach me some lesson or some shit.

i know that i over think everything. but one of these crazy scenarios of him in my head IS true. i can feel it.

and now that this fight is going on right now.. and were playing on that level of me going to the pub and friends telling him or him going to my friends and my best friend tells me.. we know scotty and i will both hear what the other one is doing. so why the fuck is he playing this game. why do we have to do this.

i am literally to the point i am disgusted with scotty.

these are my emotions hes playing with. im not even in tears. im fucking mad this time. not even sad. sure i miss him. sure i think about fucking him.. a lot. but im still pissed.

pissed. the more these pathetic days go by.. the more pissed off i will get. so i hope he is counting.. and contemplating about calling me. looking over this whole entry..

scotty and i probably dont mix. because i feel like a giant joke to him right now. i dont know..

like i am forgetting all of the good times between him and i. and there is A LOT of that..

ugh fuck this.

-L