episode 51.

alright. i just wrote this letter. and no im not sure if he will read it.. and im not giving it to him directly if or when i see him. im giving this letter to kelly. the bartender at the pub. my GIRL. she will hold on to it until she encounters him. then its up to him to read.. or whatever he does with it. which he probably wont read.

but anyway… im still very upset.. very emotional.. very angry. i do not care how harsh this is. it needs to be said. and i am attempting for him to read it.. but whatever.. this is my closure letter. i feel like i can move on after writing this letter.

this is the meanest letter ive ever written.

scotty,

the night i had a party at my house you stayed the night with me. i swallowed you the next day.. before you left. you said to me "ill be back tonight after the fights and i will fuck you tonight" you even said you’d be at ashleys to watch the fight. I went to ashleys with ashley corey and wellzy. and you WERENT there. i came home after the fights figuring you’d be back soon like you said. i left my door unlocked. my window unlocked. my lights on. i stayed up ALL night long that night. all morning. every hour i cried harder over you because i was starting to realize you weren’t going to come back. then you vanish? without a damn word? FUCK you. you get your nut in. and fucking stand me up?! FOR WHAT? what the fuck did i ever do to YOU? no call. no show. after i stress my words trying to find you. you fuckin HOE me out like that? AT THE LEAST you shouldve left a shitty voicemail telling me you were going GONE. you stabbed me in the fucking back. you didnt even have the fucking BALLS to tell me yourself. you tell KELLY?!?! you actually had the nerve to ASK HER ABOUT ME?! THE NIGHT AFTER RICHARD SEEN YOU AND RIKKI AT JR’S?!!? oh yeah thats right.. after you fuck rikki you go looking for me right?! you leave me hangin like that scotty? you lying to my face then vanishing for two weeks with no intention of calling me to tell me to stop looking for you. you have just proven that you used me for the last 2 1/2 years. you’ve dragged me through hell. and i stuck by you every time. there was nothing i didn’t do for YOU. you just proved you do not love me. nor have you ever loved me. it was just about getting the "blows" right. getting your nut in whenever you wanted. making jokes with the guys making me look like a fucking idiot. after i poured my heart out to you.. cried my eyes out over you.. missed the fuck out of you. did whatever you said whatever you wanted. youve told marisa that you love me and would do anything for me. lies right.. just keep stringing me along.. to get ahold of my head you need to lie to my girls too.. to make yourself look good. i cannot express the sickness i am going through right now. this is the worst heart break i have ever in my life been through. and i am completely shocked that someone who claimed that they love me has forced me through this pain. you wouldn’t even give me the chance to listen to you tell me that its best for us to stop seeing eachother. thats all you had to do. instead you twist the knife in my back.
you never read any of my fucking letters. you probably won’t even read this one. and im talking to fucking thin air right? well since i can’t physically tell you how i feel because you choose to avoid me and ignore me not call me.. i decided to use what you used the stupid fucking bar.
are you satisfied? you’ve torn me apart. didnt let me down easy you smashed me down. since i had so much hope and beliefs and promises from you that one day we’d be together. i just want you to know i hope you feel like shit for the next 2 1/2 years of your life. youve dragged me through hell. ive suffered through so much. and i hope you suffer. you’ve made the worst decision ever. you’re lazy and not doing anything about your life. you’ve strung me along this long. and i TRUSTED you.. i believed you. you’ve humiliated me.. to the point i no longer want to live.. not in this state.. i don’t want to live at all. over YOU.
you’ve killed me. i did nothing to you but give you everything ive ever had. ive trusted you with every secret. and you were just keeping up with your sad pathetic lie. all your lies.
i hope the thought of me haunts you. i hope you miss me. and i hope your satisfied with your life. i wish you the best. i hope you get married to the most selfish bitch on the planet.. just know that you lost the one girl who literally would have done anything for you. who tried to give you the world.
i hope you feel pain. because you never show emotion. i guess i didnt impact you. just wanted to let you know that this fucking hurts worse than any relationship ive ever had.
i hope you’re happy baby. thanks for the closure.
the next female you do this to.. i hope you tell her to her face when you decide to throw her away when you’re "all done" fucking her.
congradulations. for successfully permanently damaging my life.
rot in hell,

yours truly never again,

your little dirty whore.. and your lttle nasty slut.. that you threw in the trash. robbed me of my body for two and a half years. was i worth it? did i make top ten? top twenty atleast? or am i already forgotten? i didn’t even make the list right?

ive read it over 10 times. i will seal it and leave it with kelly. his name will be on it. i hope he reads every word. even if he doesnt.. even if he gives it back to kelly to throw away. i said what i needed to say. and i hope he wonders what i said.

-L

-L