episode 45.

so once more.. seriously.. what would i do without you guys? =]

last night i was super sick like always. scotty gave me whatever he had. what a lesson learned. i thought it was just the cocaine at first. but no no.. then i realized it wasn’t 4 days later and im still hacking up a lung. and then i remembered him sneezing the entire time he was at my house. he only did one line anyway. grr.

well i guess that teaches me. linda you say youre going to avoid him and leave him alone and what do you do? not only do you fuck him but you kissed him too. well shame on me. i am paying up with my two bags of cough drops.. box of kleenex.. and dayquill. boo =[

last entry i was so caught up in the disease i suffer i forgot to mention my activities.

monday i went out after my dad fell asleep.. dave (scottys cousin) was on his way back from chicago. he is like a brother to me. hes been there since day one.. even when i met scotty. he wanted to go out monday he would get home around 11:30 and i planned to pick him up to go to monday dollar beers at bumpers bar. so to kill time i went up to the pub to see alayna (bartender).. petey (bouncer).. and a few regulars. i ordered a bucket and petey bought me a shot. dave texted me and said no good. he just got a flat tire. well it was a good thing i just ordered a bucket. i finished the bucket and drove home around 1:30. it was a good night. sucks i missed dave though haven’t seen him in weeks.

tuesday i remembered in the back of my mind that scotty told me friday when we partied at my house to text dave and tell him scotty will see him tuesday. i never asked dave though. tuesday dave texted and said we should go out since hes home.. so i agreed.. i said id pick him up around 10. well i waited for my dad to go to bed so i could sneak out. and it took me a while. we went to the pub. i dont know why i did.. but kelly was working and todd was working. dave and i got two buckets and about 6 shots. i ran into a few other friends who were sniffing cocaine. they were looking for a straw. my dollar bill was already rolled up from friday. so i let them use it. they came back.. and left. dave and i were playing photohunt. everytime dave went outside with me whoever was outside asked if we were together.. and scotty would get brought up. then dave and i got into a conversation about him. i just remember him saying that hes been there since the beginning… even rikkis beginning. and he said he thinks scotty is going to marry rikki. all i could say was i hope he does. those words never came out scottys mouth.. and i doubt they ever will. anytime soon at least. it did sting hearing that though. and dave reassured me with "well linda im probably wrong.. cause scotty is just scotty.. no one can figure that one out" ughh why cant i just enjoy the night.. enjoy the beer the shots and not be reminded that dave is a part of his family. it sucked even talking about him. i had fun though. i did. just when i got home it was an exhale rubbing my eyes and my face. like fuck. will he just go away.

atleast i have daves word. he has kept every secret of mine. and told me every one of scottys throughout this whole thing. he has a soft spot for females. and he knows im innocent when it comes to this stuff. although dave has slipped up a few times.. i can even bet scotty will hear about us going to the pub. just making it more possible ill see him this weekend.. probably tomorrow. whatever.

so when i was at the bar with dave on tuesday i was beyond sick. i brought cough drops IN to the bar. ugh. yesterday i woke up feeling like complete death. i watched my tv shows.. and wanted to watch a movie..

i watched the last house on the left (1972) i had already seen the new one.. and i always compare shit so i watched that. that movie was just freaked. i posted it on facebook and ashley commented it and mentioned a movie called i spit on your grave. had to watch it.

i watched the new one.. and it was a very graphic very sad movie.. but overall it was a good movie i couldn’t stop watching.

fell asleep.. and im up now catching up with the good wife on my computer. love this show. going to go downstairs though. i hate sitting in my room.. everytime i hear a vehicle go by i get up and look out the window.. very distracting. scotty should have never told me he drives by my house when hes around.

he needs to get a phone. he needs to do something. im still pissed. i dont know what to do when i see him next. im usually good at stuff like this. point out how he hurt me.. what he did to piss me off.. and usually its an excuse or a giant two or three day sorry and does everything to keep the smile on my face.

im being good with distracting myself.. tuesday night i even slept in the basement. cause i have habits of randomly waking up and looking out the window. thats so bad. every van i see on the street.. i investigate or look. i havent recieved any private calls. which feels amazing. and none from scottys house which is amazing. she has to believe that i changed my number since i lost my phone. which feels so intense i can’t help but smile everytime i think about it. finally she stopped. and i can keep my number.

well im off this thing. gotta catch up on my wednesday shows. =] jersey shore tonight!

-L