episode 41.

i want to start this entry off by saying that maybe i was a little off by aiming the rude notes comment in the last entry. NONE of my readers have offended me. it was a man who noted a while entries back recently. that caught my attention. i know i shouldn’t have let it get under my skin. but it did. and i was angry at the time. i don’t want to have my diary favorites only. i like being open to the public to catch new readers. i know that being public can cause the negativity from other people which offended me. but let me just say that none of you.. none of my bookmarks.. friends list has offended me. this guy was random. he claimed to read 15 of my entries in the beginning.. and it frustrated me to write back in anger.

but this doesnt mean i am talking about any of you.. i just wanted that to be clear. i love you all and most importantly you all inspire me to write more.. and i love reading all of you. i want even more bookmarks then i already have! i feel like this diary has already came so far with the friends.. i love the diaries i read and honestly i don’t think i can ever leave. and i wish to all of you that you never stop writing.. from what i read so far its interesting to me. and i encourage to never hold back. cause this is the place for the TRUTH. and even when noting my entries never hold back. i don’t think any of you who keep up with my writing can offend me unless you intentionally do so. i would definitely write some different stuff about myself to look like a better person. and get sugar coated notes about my "life" but i chose to write everything down as it happens. and i hope everyone does the same. i accept the hard stuff.. the stuff i don’t want to hear. i may not do as planned.. but i definitely read and take everything in. the one who offended me succeeded in offending me. i was angry then but i no longer care. i am over that. i just wanted to clear up that a few of you felt like it was YOU who was offending me. =] nope. i love all of you noters! 

okay.. on to last night.

yesterday i had trouble getting my phone turned on. the blackberry took a permanent shit. will no longer turn on. grr. so i put the sim card in the g1.. with a cracked screen. my poor g1 has no more battery life. its literally the same as the blackberry. poor thing that phone was worn. i used it for so long. i miss it just talking about it. so my dad handed me a razor. old school. whatever. the keyboard is driving me nuts. i need a keyboard to function.

i know that i havent mentioned brittany in this diary lately. ive been avoiding her. because we stopped talking months ago. but she is currently on my phone plan with my parents. she pays me monthly. and when my car got stolen last may 2010.. everything was stolen including my phone.. so i was forced to add a new line to save money. and purchase a new phone. i paid $225 for the samsung slider. but i didn’t like it.. and when i bought my motorola cliq off craigslist.. she canceled the plan she was on.. and i put the new line in the samsung slider and let her use it.

ill have to post the story of my car getting stolen. i was with scotty at the time. you wouldn’t believe the story its insane. but about brittany… brittany was my best friend who wasn’t married with children like ashley is. and the funny thing is is that ashley and brittany are cousins. brittany is 19.. she turns 20 next month. brittany went everywhere with me. i gave her a place to stay.. food to eat.. rides everywhere.. she was like my little sister.. we did everything together.. until she met nick my 21st birthday party. i know random people going to Lindas 21st that doesn’t know Linda. but thats how they met. and theyve dated ever since. and i was left in the dark.. we argued so much. she just wanted all her time up to him. they couch surfed everywhere together.. and i just felt threatened. so i ended the friendship. and she tried comparing scotty to nick and that she tolerates scotty and me ditching people. its not the same thing. its just fucked. =/ i miss her. i dont cook ever. and she always made me food for us no matter where we were wed have the best memories and now were just broken up. as crazy as that sounds we acted like a couple. wed fight like one laugh like one and go everywhere together.. yeah i seen scotty.. shed cover for me at parties when i snuck off to see him.. but she pretty much replaced me.. with him. whatever. everyone is still in shock. all of our friends.. im surprised i didnt write about her until now.

yesterday when i was running around looking for a phone.. i went to the pub. i was hungry but i didn’t end up eating. i drank a bucket and two shots. i laughed my ass off with john jackie.. and chris. i had fun.. then ashley called me and asked me over.. so i came over after the pub.. around 4 pm. or 5. when i got there i was texting brittany all day. then i called her. she said we can trade phones that was fine. cause i need a keyboard badly. then she said her and nick broke up. and they arent together. i was shocked.. to the point that i left ashleys and ran over there. her and her mom were leaving.. william and krista were picking them up. when i got there she said he got angry that she put make up on for her ex that was coming into town. how rediculous. but overall i tried being friends with her again.. she pretty much shoved the phone in my face.. and i said i didnt need it now.. she can write down all of her contacts if she wanted. it was just a mess.. like physically broken and no way to fix. she wasn’t paying much attention to me.. she kept reminding me that she was listening to what i was saying.. but overall she was running around.. and i was just like whatever. i put shoes on and almost made it out the door and her mom started yelling at me for not saying goodbye. i went back up and hugged her saying goodbye.. and brittany commented on my actions.. then when i got outside krista and william were waiting.. so i talked to them as her mom and brittany got in the back seat.. i said goodbye. and went back to ashleys.

ugh. well if she shows this weekend she shows. if she doesnt she doesnt. who knows where itll go. i know her and nick are getting back together. but when i went back to ashleys she said we were going out. i was already drunk.. but whatever. i couldn’t pass up going out with my best friend. shes so much fun. corey said something to me about calling on private. and i said it wasnt me. he was recieving phone calls on private as well.. even ashley. why would i do this? and corey claimed well hes not the messenger.. and i said well send one last message from me. its not me. and im tired of being accused. i know how to prank call.. ill fuck with you. whatever. we hard a hard time leaving. because he was giving ashley shit. we left tho. we went to the bowling alley to see a long time friend. we sat at the bar. then left to go to bumpers.. both of our phones were dying and dollar beers didnt start til nine.. so we drove ALL the way back picked up a pizza for the kids and babysitter. and then went all the way back to bumpers to drink more. i ran into people i used to work with.. charlie was there also. it was crazy packed. and todds ex girlfriend. blah. i was wasted at this point. i dont even remember leaving. i remember doing the cupid shuffle. i was beyond hammered.

my mom woke me up at 5am to take her to the airpo

rt. i had no memory of coming back home. blah. how retarded. took her to the airport. i was still drunk. went to mcdonalds and chowed down on some breakfast. came home.. slept for a little while longer.. and woke up to write this. mom called me while writing this entry. i have the house to myself. and my wonderful mother is in wonderful florida.. 80 degrees. it was snowing like a motherfucker here. im so pissed. i hate being home alone.

no sign of scotty. but ill be at the pub tonight drinking. i hope he shows up. cause im throwing a little party here. tonight.

blah.

-L