confidence is key

I passed the physical agility test today. Looks like it’s off to the training academy/boot camp for me now.

I’m excited.

I’m still trying to find some way around the hairstyle we all must conform to. They are pretty specific about the butchy bun I have to wear. I know it’s for the best, so if I get in a fight, my hair won’t be an easy target. 

But it hurts my heart a little.

My hair is long and curly and should be free in the wind… like wild horses. lol.

If we could just observe a moment of silence for all my good hair days…..

ha!

I say things like this, and people sometimes have trouble deciding whether or not I’m serious.  (I’m usually at least half serious)

I let them draw their own conclusions. *shrugs*

Chase is my fiancee. He is an old soul. I’ve learned alot from him. I’ve always -known- it’s better just to be yourself, and to hell with what the people think… But I don’t think I ever really believed it or was capable of it until I saw it in his example. He finds a way to always be true to himself, and never censor or edit or "chameleonize" himself…without offending or encroaching on others. He’s taught me that people aren’t judging me as much as I think they are. Most people are too busy worrying about themselves to pay that much attention. And he’s right.. I find myself, now, more able to open up and be genuine with more people than ever before.  I’m still cautious and guarded in some ways, but I think of it as a good thing.

So many contradictions have battled inside me for so long. I feel that what I’ve achieved at this point in my life is a really nice balance.

This makes me very happy.

p.s.

I never  imagined that one day I would grow up and become a correctional officer for a maximum security state prison. I still enjoy the shocked faces every time I tell someone my news. They would sooner see me as a kindergarten teacher. I don’t know why people always say that….  This may be a challenge for me if people know me better than I know myself.

But I’m always up for a challenge, so I really can’t lose. 🙂

Academy starts April 13th. wish me luck..