getting through it

I wasn’t going to write an entry because today was a bitch and I’m just too tired even though I slept okay (ehh) last night and had a long nap today. I had actually gotten up from the computer and everything. But now I’m sitting back down. I wish I had this resolve with my exercising and eating. *sigh*

I’m really sore too. I hope, hope, HOPE I get to go to the massage therapist on Monday. We weren’t able to get ahold of her today. Phone tag.

So this morning was, on one hand, a big clusterfuck and, on the other, not too bad.

The first thing we did was try to get ahold of my MIA psychiatrist to see if we could pick up our records. Of course, no one answered and no one returned our message. Not so worried about that. We still have two months to get those files.

Next we called the lady at Second Career to ask a couple quick things about what they needed from ODSP and what information needs to be on his acceptance letter from Algonquin – cuz there is not much of anything on the acceptance letter except the obvious – and the SC application says it requires all these things to be documented in the letter. The SC lady says that something from ODSP documenting that they will take 100% of BF’s EI earnings OFF of my cheque would be an ideal thing to get. Okay. And that, of course, all the items listed in the application HAVE to be in the letter. There should be a "detailed letter of acceptance" that we can request from the school. Nevermind that she didn’t tell us this when we were there over a week ago and now will have to wait likely another week for the NEW and correct letter… argh

So we call Algonquin. This does not go nearly as smoothly as I will describe it here. It was a mess of multiple calls, half answers, repeat calls and requests for clarifications… blah.
Now, we were able to get BF’s application FEE deferred so that we wouldn’t have to fork out $95 and so that SC would cover it when we got that money.
First issue, we need something documenting that THEY (the school) paid that application fee so that we can include that on the SC app and they can get their money back. Well, Algonquin says they don’t have anything saying that – of course, the detailed acceptance letter which breaks down everything under the sun DOES NOT have that particular piece of information. We’re informed that we have to contact Ontario Colleges (OC) to request a letter or receipt of some sort stating that Algonquin paid for the application. No problem, we’ll call OC.  Of course, OC has no idea what we’re talking about – all they can tell us is that the fee was paid with a mastercard. They tell us to get back in touch with the school.
Second issue, both of us were under the impression that this "fees deferrment" that has already taken place deferred the whole shebang, that tuition payment and everything was to be deferred until SC would pay it. Not the case. Of course. Good thing we thought to double-check that since his tuition is due on July 15th. There is now also an issue with this however – the school is saying that in order to be accepted for a tuition deferral we have to be able to prove that SC will be paying… Not exactly sure how we are going to do this when he doesn’t even know if he has been approved yet. His application to SC has not even been submitted yet.

Anyway, we leave a message for the SC office at Algonquin to call us back about these things but, of course, no one called back today. It is really such a pain in the ass because BF works during business hours (except for today and Monday which he managed to switch his shift for especially to deal with this crap – and they only let him switch his shift with seven days notice so it’s not like he can just be home at the drop of a hat).

These two issues are not all that we had to sort out with Algonquin either. There was a big caffuffle about sending us a breakdown of costs and dates for the entire two-year program, which is required for the SC application. We were told that there will be no breakdown of costs even available until January. Eventually, though, they sorted out that they will send a letter for the second year that states he "may" be back and if he is these would be the costs. I just hope to hell it actually says everything we need it to say when we get it so there is no further delay. I think we may stop in at the SC office in Ottawa when we are there next week – just to make sure we are doing everything we need to be doing and have everything we need to have. *sigh*

The ODSP worker was actually fairly nice when we spoke with her today. She, herself, actually suggested we apply for a few of the grants they offer to help people. We didn’t have to bring EVERYTHING up ourselves. It was a relief. I thought we would have to fight for everything.

So, first thing, she said that she has some documentation about the EI thing (hopefully specifically that and not just general shit I could find myself on the net) that she will get ready for us to pick up on Monday.

Secondly, she said we should apply for BF to receive this work/training start up benefit (worth $500). We were really interested in this because BF really needs a laptop for classes. SC is going to pay for a desktop that he will deconstruct and rebuild, etc because it is recommended for his program (Computer Systems Technician) but a laptop would really be useful to him in class this day and age. LOL We’re so old! Haven’t been in school FOREVER!! I guess this means that I’m stuck with this crummy desktop comp for a while though, BOO! This application will be ready for us to pick up Monday as well.

Third, she said that we should apply for the moving benefit of $799 even though it’s only supposed to be given out once per 24 months and we received it just over a year ago. She said that there are exceptions to that rule and that job loss should be one of them. I really thought I was going to have to fight HARD to convince them about this one so I was relieved that she brought it up. We kinda REALLY need it though since the truck rental ALONE will be $450-$500 BEFORE taxes and gas – let alone that we will also have to pay for gas for our regular car.

Next, she told us that BF’s income for the next two months (leading up to school) will be exempt from deductions off of my cheque. This is in place to help students prepare/save for school. I worry about this though because what if, for some reason, he DOESN’T get the SC funding? Then we’ll have had two months of no deductions – that’s almost $2000 – that we would have to pay back somehow. It’s not like we can just hold all the money until we know for sure. We have to make preparations. We might not know for sure about SC until late August — and that’s when we’re moving! *sigh*

Any income he makes during his school enrollment will also be exempt from deduction. That will help. SC only allows him to work 20 hours per week though – 20 hrs work, 20 hrs school = 40 hr week so I guess that makes sense. With taxes deducted though it’s not going to be MUCH help to us… and I shudder to think how BF will handle working AND keeping up with school… :-S Anyway. Can’t think about that now.

Now the big thing. The problem I was really worried about. The ODSP worker said that she can’t tell us whether or not they will deduct from my cheque any money given to us by SC towards living expenses. She said that, with OSAP people, they DO deduct any money for living expenses paid out of OSAP from the ODSP cheque. She said, again, that the government doesn’t give you money for the same thing twice, that we will have to submit the SC funding to them for review. Which, OBVIOUSLY, creates a HUGE problem because, as I have mentioned, we have not yet been accepted to SC and likely will not know final financials until AUGUST, right before we leave. I expressed to the woman this concern (we were using speaker phone), mentioning that if we get money from SC to cover the difference between what they give us for rent ($714) and what rent will be in Ottawa ($1000+) and then ODSP decides to deduct it from my cheque we will not be able to afford to live in Ottawa, which means BF won’t be able to go back to school, which means we will likely have to live with my mom until BF can somehow get a job that pays enough for us to live on our own. And, considering that he’s making $15/hr now and we are barely making our obligations without the higher Ottawa price tags… he would have to make at LEAST $20/hr there – and WTF is he going to get a job making THAT kind of money with no schooling??? The only reason he makes that much here is because he was promoted two times to management level!! Anyway, she said to submit what information we have now about SC and that they can review it and let us know. In response to this, BF coyly reconfirmed that we can always use the appeal process if their answer is not one we agree with. hehehe Which is fine. If we have to appeal, I KNOW I can convince them that the way we want it to go is the way it NEEDS to go. It’s just that I desperately don’t want to have to fight about it AND the timing… everything is so last minute with all this and so muddled… I DO NOT LIKE NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!!!!!!
So, on Monday, we will have to take her information from SC. I still don’t know exactly what though. We called the SC lady back to ask if they have any documentation about what expenses SC covers (and why) and she left a response message later basically regurgitating what we already know about the program. Thanks for the help lady. Anyway, I was just thinking as I wrote this that I can print out some website info and then also give her a copy of the form — maybe even the completed application, seeing as how it will be done on Monday for submission (minus the letter, etc) anyway.

So there’s those two big things worrying me. What SC amounts ODSP will decide to deduct from my cheque and the tuition deferral.

I had a really bad morning after all of this madness. I was -REALLY- stressed out. It’s just my freaking weird ass reaction to things these days. My anxiety takes over and I can’t control it. I don’t know when or how I got this way. That really bugs me. I used to be very strong and confident. Now I feel like I can’t handle ANYTHING. … It’s just a little paragraph but it doesn’t seem to express nearly the severity of this problem for me… *sigh* It’s debilitating. It’s truly debilitating.

Overall, I have a general feeling of "this is what’s supposed to happen" in the long run. Disregarding all of the crap that’s going on now, to get there, I feel like us moving and him going back to school is what’s meant to happen for us. Somehow I do feel that it will all work out.

When I get like that though I don’t have any comprehension of "we will do what we have to do to get through it". I just get very very very overwhelmed and stress about every little thing, making mountains out of molehills. Okay, some of my worries ARE medium-sized mountains right now but still… 

I figure we always have the option of using OSAP to fund his schooling… I don’t exactly know how that would be any different that SC finances-wise, except that we would have to pay it all back… so maybe we could convince ODSP not to take anything off… Anyway, it’s an alternative if, for some reason, he doesn’t get approved for SC. Apparently, up to 45 days into the program you can apply for OSAP so there is something else we can do at the last minute anyway…

There are always options, right?

I just really, really, REALLY do NOT want to live with my mom. I know I am welcome and I love her but … *WHIMPER* I couldn’t stand it. And it would be hard for BF when he is already dealing with two other major changes. I know we will probably have access to my aunt’s cottage for maybe 3 months, depending when winter sets in… but after that… omg… it HAS to work out that we can live on our own!! I don’t want to go back to live with my TROLL of a BROTHER!!!!

Okay, I think I’m starting to go a bit wonky again. I’d better sign this off quick. It’s a novel now anyway.

Today I am grateful for…

* a clearer view of things, even if it’s not all gumdrops and roses

* not as much friction from the OSDP worker as I was expecting

* HOPEFULLY a massage coming in the next few days to relieve some of my neck tension

* a productive day