baby step

Calls I have made today so far:

– regarding an Anxiety therapy group (doesn’t start until September, BOO)
– podiatrist (to make initial appointment)
– ODSP (to talk to my worker about eye care benefits – she wasn’t t here)
– endocrinologist (to ask them to send my records to my new family doctor)

wow, it seemed like so many more than that.
this is very significant because I _hate_ making phone calls. I hate the phone. I avoid it at all costs. I _always_ screen before picking up. I -NEVER- make outgoing phone calls except to my mom or to B when I am 95% or more positive that he will answer the phone. I can’t even call other people in my family without significant difficulty. People I love and miss very much. B usually calls all my doctors to make my appointments. He calls the bank if there is a problem. He does the phone work. Just _thinking_ about using the phone, I get anxious, nervous, my face gets all red and hot, I fumble over my words. I even fvcking forgot my own address when speaking to one lady this morning!! WTF SO EMBARRASSING.

but I DID IT!!!

I

DID

IT

I actually MADE the phone calls and I managed to get through them too! Bad things happened (brain freeze) but I persevered.  I talked myself through it. I told myself not to notice if I was fvcking something up, if my brain was freezing, if I sounded like a giggling bumbling idiot. They’ve heard worse than me I told myself. I just kept going. I plugged through it.

I am very proud of myself.

Probably seems like nothing much – or very retarded – to you lot. But to me it is a baby step in the right direction.

I’m tired of being in this mess I’m in. I want out.

I’m so relieved to be off the phone and so proud of myself at the same time that I feel like crying.

Good for me.

—-EDIT—-
add -optometrist to the list! eye appointment booked for the same day as my gp visit! BONUS!