tied down. and not in a good way.

oh, update on the mould – the owners of the building are going to rip down the entire wall and re-drywall it. lovely. so we will likely be splitting our living between this apartment and the vacant one across the hall, meaning we will have to move whole rooms at a time so that they can redo each wall in each room. Yes, the furry blackness can now be found around ALL THREE WINDOWS. In the living area it is very bad though. I’m sure it is affecting our health. *sigh* So we could be "moving" as of this coming weekend. Whoopee.

The superbowl party went well. BF’s brother didn’t show. LOL douche. he was sick apparently. whatever. his loss – he doesn’t get to be surprised with our new big screen tv then! hahahaha! i like it when BF can have things to make his brother jealous. it’s harmless really, gives BF an ego boost and puts the little weasel in his place.

my friend K is driving me crazy lately. I feel stalked by her. Crowded. I get in trouble if I post the wrong thing on her facebook. I get in trouble for not posting enough on her facebook. I get in trouble for not answering emails, messages and posts fast enough. I know I’m bad at responding to emails but SHIT. I got in trouble for not being on MSN enough – we used to talk every day but it got to be soooo boring and I didn’t want to hear about her stupid ass problems anymore when she won’t do anything about them!! I got in trouble for not calling her or seeing her when I visited my family for Thanksgiving – my aunt had just been diagnosed with Cancer, my cousin’s wedding had just been called off (btw, the ex-bride is now pregnant lol), it was Thanksgiving!, we were doing things around the house for mom, I just didn’t have time!! Like fvck lady. We’ve been friends for 12 years or more. When she went away to university she didn’t see me every time she came home I’m sure. We didn’t talk all the time she was away. I have stuff going on. It’s okay if my priority is not emailing her back!! I just wish we’d lapse into a backburner friendship for a while. I need a break. It’s not a friendship when I just feel obligated to spend time with her instead of wanting to…

It’s doubly hard because I hate her boyfriend. He’s an idiot, he is SO far beneath her in so many ways, including intelligence and maturity, and he doesn’t value her nearly as much as he should (case in point: he has been MARRIED for the four years of their relationship, they’re now living together btw, and he told her that she should REMIND HIM TO GET A DIVORCE!! WTF!?!?!?!). Now the divorce has finally gone through and she is excited to be getting a ring soon. Two things could happen if these two get married: 1) they get divorced; and 2) they’re too lazy to get divorced and stay in a shit relationship until one of them kacks. I know she will want me to be her maid of honour. How can I stand up for THAT mess??? bags! I just keep telling her I’m happy she’s happy, that she deserves the best and it’s about time he was legally divorced. And she did remind him, nag him, to get this divorce. To me, if someone needs to be NAGGED to get a divorce then they don’t love me enough! HELLO!?!?! If they’re the right person, if they’re so in love with me, if they want the best for me they should be RUNNING to that fricking judge and banging on the door every single day until it’s done and he’s free and clear. I can pretty much guarantee that she has used her own money to pay for this thing too. UGH omfg. I can’t stand it. I wish I could pull that big fat ugly bottom lip over his head and force him to swallow!!!!!!

So anyway, I have – as far a she knows – taken a break from Facebook. Engel will have noticed perhaps my status message saying something to that effect. After I posted that and gave her time to respond to it (she told me she takes the time to look at my page every day to see what is new in my life – gave me the creeps – and seemed insulted that I didn’t do the same) I changed all of my privacy and application settings so that she can’t see anything new anymore. She can’t see my wall, my friends or anything I woud regularly update. I also changed it so her stupid boyfriend can’t see anything either. Smart huh? 😛 Then I went on BF’s facebook and changed his settings so that they can’t see any of the same stuff there either – not that BF ever uses his facebook – but just so it appears the same on more than one facebook. Now I can use it happily whenever I want!! And she will have to resort to email to contact me.

More often than not lately I’ve been thinking that this relationship with her has run it’s course. But I look at my mom who has had friends for 40+ years… I want to have relationships like that. With those relationship though – my mom and dad moved out to Alberta and we hardly ever saw or heard from them for 13 years, when we came back everything was the same; they don’t talk every day or even every week but they still have fun together… I want my relationship with K to be like that. I don’t want it to be this needy, whiny mess she is making it. I don’t feel like I can be candid with her any more because she takes offense to everything I say. This should tell me how she truly is feeling in her relationship with dimwit… but what can I do about it if she won’t help herself? She doesn’t believe she is worth anyone better, at least subconsciously. She was with the last idiot for 10 years, no joke, because she couldn’t break up with him. She feels like time is whizzing by her, that she should be married already and blah blah. I understand all that pressure, I do. But I wouldn’t allow it to let me make such damaging decisions… She was upset that she wasted so much time on the last idiot and now she’s going to waste time with this one…

And she is constantly picking guys that are unavailable. She liked a guy in high school who was head over heels for this stupid bitch and really superficial so that he would never go out with her anyway. At the end of high school she chums up with a guy who turns out to be gay (she was interested sexually – this "friend" later conned her into giving him $10K from her loan and then "disappearing" and she wouldn’t go after him for it!!?!?! WTF?!?!?!). In college, she picked the first guy that showed interest and stuck with him for 10 years. He was close to retarded imo. At her first real job, she flirted with and was tempted into a relationship with a married man. During a brief breakup with the 10 year twit, she went out with a drug addict. Finally she breaks up with that loser only to go back to 10 year twit. After TYT, she clomps onto the current loser – Mr. Remind Me To Get A Divorce. Yeah. I talked to her about this trend but it only goes so far if they don’t want to see it. And it’s clear she doesn’t. On some level she knows but she doesn’t want the reality. Fair enough. But I’m having trouble keeping my mouth shut in order to preserve the friendship. I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s bullshit right now. I just don’t have the brain space for it…. the mental and emotional capacity to cope with it…

She’s a totally different person around this dude. TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It’s not that she’s different in every relationship – when she was with the TYT and the addict she was the same. This guy has her tied down. And not in a good way. He talks circles around her. She used t

o be all about the sex toys and trying new things – I know cuz we talked – this dude says "I don’t need any of that stuff" like it makes him a bigger man and she cowtows to him. Forget anything she’s interested in. He’s a stupid fvcker.

I want to keep this friendship. I’m pretty sure. I think.

I just don’t know how to go about it… *sigh* and I reeeeeeally don’t want to deal with it right now. I have too much of my own crap to deal with. let them go get married or whatever and leave me out of it.

well, I guess I had more rambling in me LOL