my shoddy housekeeping

I bought a paper journal today at Walmart with the money I had from returning the dvd CFMIL got me for Christmas. I think it’s appropriate that SHE "give" me this book that I’ll probably be writing a lot about her in. hehehe Anyway, hopefully I can write more in that than I do here. I feel the need to get stuff out, out into the world.

I’m feeling down again. Almost depressed at times. I feel useless, worthless, hopeless at times. Like I’ve accomplished nothing in my life and all my friends have whizzed past me.

I’m trying to clean up and get ready for BF’s superbowl gathering this weekend. I’ve been sick since we got home at New Years essentially so nothing has been done and the dishes – surprise, surprise – have gotten behind again. Presently I am having a bad attack of sciatica but trying to push through by trying to do stuff BUT NOT TOO MUCH to make sure the severe and staggering pain doesn’t come back. I should go to the chiropractor.

I should also go to the doctor next Tuesday but I don’t want to. I’m not sure why I see this doctor any more. He’s an internist and was taking care of my diabetes but now that I have a family doctor again SHE does the monitoring of that condition… I’m nervous about going to him because I have gained weight since the last time I went and he won’t be happy with me. I’m nervous because I needed to get blood drawn yesterday or today and didn’t because until late today I couldn’t sit let alone drive without pain. I’m nervous  because we’ve rescheduled and cancelled a few times in the past and they weren’t happy with us. I really don’t think I need to go back to him. I just want my records from him. He’s the only one who has my full and complete records after my last two dumb family doctors (one of whom LOST my file).

I don’t see how this messy house is going to be clean enough for company by Sunday with me hardly able to move and BF "too tired" to do much when he gets home from work. It makes me anxious to think of people coming in here and thinking my house is so disgusting. Especially when everyone will assume it’s my shoddy housekeeping since I’m home all day. UGH.

Oh yes and some lovely news. We have mold. Yes. In the new apartment. Mold. Nice furry black stuff around our living room window. The window is very drafty and we found it to be leaking before Christmas. I pulled back the curtain (at the side you don’t usually open) he other day to scold a kitty only to find the yucky nastiness. The paint around the window is buckling and bubbling… It’s just gross. I think they will have to replace most of the wall… not sure how that will work. And the spot where the air conditioner goes is DRIPPING water – the paint and actual wall around that is cracked and moves when you push on it. We’ll have to get the super down here this weekend if the house miraculously gets clean enough.

Okay, I suppose I should get back to work… or at least try to calm down enough to sleep.