We get we want when we learn not to want it

I told one of the students something this past week which I’d like to share with all of you:

"Always try to live each day helping someone new.  If all you do in life is help at least one person each day, then your life will be a success."

I really believe this.  I know we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but what separates a good person from a bad one is the ability to learn from mistakes made.  One of my earliest mistakes was always thinking of myself when I did things.  I used to think that life was about getting the most money, achieving the most things, winning the most competitions.  I thought this way until the day i realized that I had no real friends to speak of.  And I learned then that no matter how much I had in life, I had nothing if I had no one to love me. 

Now, I try my best to help anyone who comes into my life needing help.  I’ll have to be honest and say that I first did this to get people to like me.  I thought that the more I helped others, the more likely they were to help me… so it was something of a "quid pro quo" deal (something for something).  It worked out all right… until I couldn’t do them any more favors, and they stopped doing the same for me.  It was only later that I decided not to give a damn whether or not people would like me back… I just learned to like helping people.  I would give help even when no immediate reward was forthcoming.  I would even help people who hated me… knowing full well that, after I helped them, they would go back to stabbing me in the back.

The funny thing is, the less I cared about what other people thought, or whether other people liked me, the more I learned that people appreciated the things I did.  It took me back to this old saying I heard, "The best way to help yourself is to help others."  I thought it was all a bunch of hokey back then, but I can sincerely vouch for its worth now.  What’s funny, in fact, is that I actually get MORE than I ever would have expected.  Almost all of the good things I’ve been rewarded with over the last few years have been direct consequences of me helping people I never expected to get anything from.

I got my first job in Thailand because I offered to help a university for free during my vacation.  I even met my last girlfriend because I got a phone call out of the blue asking for my help, and I offered to help a complete stranger out, sight unseen.  Now, I’m being offered a job in a Korean school because I spent one hour of my free time helping some students out, over and beyond my duties at the debate camp I’m helping to run.  I didn’t do it to gain anything… yet the students were so happy with my help that they personally recommended me to their teacher, who is now asking if I’d be willing to teach in Seoul.  It seems that the more I help people without caring what I’d get, the more I seem to get in return. 🙂

Life is funny that way.  We often get what we most want when we learn not to want it so much.  I’m much happier living life this way.  After all, if I never expect anything from life, all the good things that do come my way will always be pleasant surprises.  🙂