Bad Signs From People
We often hear so-called “suggestions” or “advice” that put us down further when we are already down, but they often reflect selfishness, deceit, denial, lip service, and mind games. Many people giving them know that they caused the problem, did something wrong, or are somehow involved in the troubles, but do not want to admit. They could also prefer or fit the description of those type people, so they feel that those who complain are talking about them when they’re not: the details of the subject describe them, and make them offended or afraid to be called hypocrites, so they need to cover up it up with contradictions. The simplest reason would be they are just rude and selfish, not wanting to listen or care about others. Those words or phrases are some of bad signs from people.
When we complain, especially about people, quite a few human beings often contradict and do not want to hear them. They also blame the victims, side with the unpleasant people, and gang up on victims, mostly because they fit into the description of the subject and feel they are being discussed. Offenders, criminals, and their biased sympathizers often make up unacceptable excuses for their unpleasant behavior, such as stress, expressing feelings, and situation. In other words, they blame others for their actions and mistakes. I’ve faced many examples of it online and offline, and they are all bad signs.
I was often bullied in school, and when I complained they “cheat with physical strength,” a form of power abuse, there were people who replied with words like, “They did not cheat with physical strength. You chose not to fight back, defend yourself, or prevent it” or “You’re too sensitive!” I found out that the people who made comments like that were bullies and power abusers themselves, so they sided with the offenders and felt I was talking about them.
When I did not enjoy living in one of my previous places, some of the residents did not respect my opinions, and a few even yelled and made false accusations. One of my reasons was the many unpleasant people, and a possible reason they didn’t respect my opinions was because they fit the description of the unpleasant people and felt I was talking about them. It was the same when I decided I wasn’t returning to Comic-Con. The people who didn’t respect my decisions were rude and narrow-minded, falling into the description of the general Comic-Con population.
The same thing happened at messageboards (MBs). When people at a community complained about unfairness and cliquey behavior at TheOneRing.Com (TORC), one of the members there stalked, spied, and finally entered the community, uninvited, to violate the members’ freedom of speech. That person and his TORC friends were rude, cliquey, and selfish, so he felt they were talking about them. Later, when problems happened at the community, and some people expressed their opinions towards some online communities as well as their bad experiences, and chose to leave, they were attacked. The attacker made long posts about how online communities had benefitted them and others, including couples meeting online. She even got after people for complaining about TORC. Well, she had been too lucky at online communities to not see how others suffered. Besides, she admitted, “You insult TORC, you insult me!” That’s because she is narrow-minded and does not want to admit that she is one of the MB people causing bad experiences for others. Feeling offended by complaints about MBs when no one was talking about her is a sign of it.
I received similar signs when mentioning about mean and rude people. When I wrote in an entry about rude people influencing my decision to check out the California Hamster Association Show, and someone left the note, “CHA is about hamsters, not the rude people.” Well, isn’t that obvious? The question is not what the organization was about, but if I would like to attend or not. I was just weighing out costs and benefits, and rude people would be one of the costs. That is a signal that the person fit the qualifications of rude.
People with too much time also like to contradict when they hear complaints about some people having too much time. For example, my ex-roommate/ landlady fit that description. She was usually at home sleeping and bossing me around. When I mentioned about some people in public having too much time and causing trouble, she contradicted it, because though I hadn’t been talking about her, she felt I was since she probably knew she had too much time, or had been told so.
“Better words are piercing to the ears!” is another unpleasant signal, as is “I was just being straightforward” or “I only said it directly.” We can be straightforward and polite at the same time, and there are many ways to provide advice and feedback without offending others. Those statements are often lip service and lousy excuses for offense, usually signs of people looking for chances to attack.
Saying “I’m the most straightforward person you’ll meet" is usually another suspicious sign. People who say so are usually the sneakiest people. Straightforward people would not need to say they are straightforward, because others can clearly see it. Stating and possibly bragging about being the “most straightforward person” is a warning for fear of having hidden meanings and mind games revealed.
I have also realized that people whom I have to keep apologizing to are not real friends. They would say that if I did anything wrong or bothered them, they’ll let me know. However, they often act upset at me and give off signals, and when I apologize, they would say, “Don’t apologize!" This reflects mind games and so-called friends. They know they did something wrong, or are cliquey and rejecting me as a friend, but deny or disguise it. Real friends wouldn’t say “don’t apologize” or make me feel I have to apologize.
Asking “Is the cup half-full or half-empty?” and saying “Nobody is perfect,” or “No ___ is perfect” are more bad signs. Most things don’t come in halves, and we know that no one and nothing is perfect, so we weigh the costs and benefits. Besides, though we’re not perfect, we could try to improve ourselves, and even better, admit our faults. Those who offend others tend to say those things because they do not admit their mistakes, a way of blaming the victim. Another reason would be they are narrow-minded and biased, preferring the unpleasant people or not accepting differences. It could once again be that they fit the description of the complaint, and felt talked about. They could also just be selfish, not wanting to listen to others. It’s the same with “I don’t want to hear it!” The listeners either have hidden agendas and narrow minds, deny mistakes, or fall into the description of the subject.
We often hear the following “Don’t look back!” “Let bygones be bygones!” “Drop it!” “Get over it
!” and “Quit feeling sorry for yourself or pity-partying!” Those phrases are now often abused, because many people deny their faults or just don’t care about others. When they don’t want to admit their mistakes, they want others to quickly end discussion on the topic before they have to admit, and they don’t want it brought up in the future, because that would mean further discussion, forcing them to admit. At the same time, many people who say to get over it or not look back are just being self-centered, not trying to care or understand others. However, those who “don’t want to hear it” are usually the ones who complain the most, making them self-centered hypocrites.
Many evil people also say “Everyone has to die someday” or “Come on, ____ had to die.” Would they be saying so if they or their loved ones were the ones facing death? They are just being self-centered, or they like harming others. Saying “It’s just a story/ movie/ game,” when people get emotional or feel for the characters also portrays their bad personalities. It means that in real life, they like carrying out bad deeds, but laws forbid it.
“You hate everything” also reflects narrow-mindedness. It is not possible to hate or like everything. Those who say so just don’t want to accept that people have different interests and preferences. The few favorites they mentioned just happen to not be the others’ favorites, but that doesn’t mean those people don’t like anything. They just like different things.
I do not like flattery, because it is often a form of lip service filled with bad intentions. Many people kiss up to their superiors to receive rewards they don’t deserve and avoid punishments they deserve. Flattering peers or subordinates is often to cover up hatred and discrimination towards them. That’s why flattery upsets me, because it’s a form of deceit and mind games.
I later discovered another bad sign for several things. Many people say that peeking at the end of a book, movie, or game, or looking at game guides and spoilers is cheating. That is not cheating! Those things are just for fun, and there is no rule saying that people are not allowed to peek. It is another form of discrimination: those people who call it “cheating” like to be surprised and not peek, and can’t accept those who need to know things in advance. Those people usually cheat on tests and other important things, so they call looking at spoilers “cheating,” because it reminds them of their real cheating and fear of being caught, so they take it out on others.
Violating the freedom of speech is another common bad sign. Most dictators do not let others express their opinions, especially about them, because they only care about themselves and do not want to change their ways for the good of the world, which is obvious denial of mistakes. Power abusers forbid people to talk about them or their groups because they deny their flaws. Police officers are allowed to attack whoever they arrest or pull over, but the defendant is not allowed to say anything, because the officers know that they did something wrong, but don’t want to hear or admit them. When I lived in dorms, there was no freedom of speech. Everything residents said was documented and put into our files, especially complaints, while staff members could say anything they like without being documented. This showed that many staff people knew they were doing something wrong, which would lead to complaints. Since they didn’t want to admit flaws, they find ways to silence complaints, which was one reason I moved out.
Examples of bad signs occur in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and continues into Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The Ministry of Magic refused to believe Harry Potter, and denied the return of Lord Voldemort, lying that they had no evidence. That was because the Ministry was not present when Voldemort’s follower, a death eater named Barty Crouch Jr., boasted the whole story of how he and the other death eaters helped him return. Then the Ministry administered the dementor’s kiss on Crouch before they could hear the evidence. It was a sign that the Ministry knew Voldemort had returned, but wanted to get rid of the evidence so they could deny it. They continued with their deception in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by having a faithful member of the Ministry (who was also an ally to evil) as a Hogwart’s professor so she could start abusing her powers and controlling the school to help herself and the Ministry get their evil ways.
Another method of discrimination and not wanting to admit mistakes is not sharing cultures and backgrounds. There are many different cultures and backgrounds in the world, which will affect the way people think and behave. If people shared their cultures and backgrounds, then others would understand them better, and many conflicts could be settled or avoided. However, there have been people who refused to share, especially when problems and misunderstandings occurred. The reason is sharing cultures would force them to admit their mistakes in understandings, which they do not want to do. Another reason is racism and not wishing to accept other cultures.
Many of these bad signals have occurred at MBs. At TORC, when I complained about rude and condescending behavior, and others not related to the community and its members, replies included, “You need to have a thick skin” and “Quit feeling sorry for yourself.” However, they themselves made many complaints, and when they were put down by others’ comments, the commenters got in trouble for offending them. I later discovered those repliers to be rude and cliquey. What they said reflected their narrow-mindedness, bias, hypocrisy, and excuse to offend others. I also found myself having to keep apologizing to the people I had problems with.
When the mods at TORC said not to discuss problems involving some small mistakes and misunderstandings with anyone except them, I should have spotted out the bad signs of them knowing refusing to admit flaws. They were afraid of my finding out the truth, getting into trouble, and being unable to violate my freedom of speech. When they named people uninvolved in the problem, I sent e-mails to them asking for proof and answers, resulting in my unfair ban. Several others have also been banned for tiny mistakes and misunderstandings, but not the real troublemakers.
When I made a mistake from confusion at The Lost Realm of Arnor (Arnor), an admin made a mean RP post. I took it as fiction, and followed the characters’ feelings and actions only for him to falsely accuse me of pity-partying and not being able to tell apart fact and fiction, which led him to remove my access to RPs without a warning. He and others even kept saying, “Drop it!” though people had more to say. I then realized that he was the one unable to tell apart fact and fiction, playing mind games, and trying to attack me through RP, but denying it all, so he and others who sided w
ith him tried to stop further discussion so they wouldn’t have to admit. I eventually learned that he was narrow-minded, often trying to stir up trouble and keep them going, and upset about the what happened at that other community, so he took it out on me. A rude mod also singled me out and made posts, mostly indirectly attacking me, then would keep saying, “Don’t apologize,” which was a bad sign, too. I found out that their rule of “What goes on in Arnor stays in Arnor” proved something wrong: they do many unpleasant things, but are afraid to have them revealed.
At TaleSpinners Corner (TS) I should have heeded the lip service of “You are part of the community,” “We don’t want you to leave,” “We’re all friends here” and “Don’t compare us to them!” when I mentioned my fears of the effects of my mistakes and my past unpleasant MB experiences. Those statements showed that they’re trying to cover up the fact that they’re like those unpleasant people I faced at TORC and Arnor, and weren’t friends, and sure enough! When I made a spoiler mistake, one of the members replied and attacked me, and the current admin supported her, not caring how offended I was. Her excuse was, “Even friends have the right to express their feelings.” Well, the attacker wasn’t just expressing her anger, but also personally attacking me, and even lied about me in her online journal. The evil admin kept saying to not discuss it further, because she was afraid to be forced to admit her bias. When I mentioned that there were some subjective areas, she even had the nerve to say that “there was nothing subjective about” it, because she refused to admit her mistakes and bias. Others also supported the attack on me, and talked about it some more. When I tried to stop further attacks and defend myself, the founder singled me out in warning about further discussions, which reflected her playing favorites. I later found that they were a clique, and part of the anger was probably from their not accepting my peeking at spoilers. From this bad experience, at another board, I quickly asked how we should handle spoilers there, and TS founder happened to stalk me to that board and spy, then accuse me of bringing the personal problems of TS to other boards. That shows that they knew they were wrong, and were afraid to reveal it.
Instead of giving signals, people should just state the truth. That would make things easier for everyone. They are just afraid of punishments for the bad deeds they like to do, so they perform lip service and give signs where they can lie their way out and get away with it.