Egoism and Altruism
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That’s the Golden Rule we’ve been taught to live by, which I try to. That’s why I often wonder if I’m really self-centered though people may say I that I’m nice and care about others.
For the past few years, especially after reading Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings and learning more about Star Wars, I have been worrying that I’m doing good things only for to obtain rewards, avoid punishments, be liked and accepted, go to heaven, or other selfish reasons, especially since people have said that I’m "evil," "self-centered," and other negative words and phrases.
The powers of the Dark Lords in HP, LOTR, and SW would test my true personality, and I fear that I will be the first to be corrupted by Lord Voldemort, Melkor, Sauron, the One Ring, and Emperor Palpitine. If I have been behaving pleasantly only for rewards, then that will be true.
It will also happen if I’m just trying to fake and show off how "nice" I am by helping others and carrying out good deeds, which is very possible. This would make me twice as evil: for being a bad person and cheating by hiding it. Maybe I’m trying to ease others’ suffering to relieve my own suffering from it, which is another intention of egoism.
A big proof of my ego is personal problems bothering me more than war and major disasters. For example, when I don’t do well in school, or get attacked at a MB, I am so upset that it can interfere with my daily life. However, I didn’t feel as much pain during the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, damage at OD on its 3rd anniversary, tsunamis in December 2004, or war with Iraq. Those problems are many times as bad as school issues or personal conflicts, and should bother me more, but they didn’t, showing how selfish and evil I am.
People have said that we need to take care of ourselves first, but that’s for safety, health, and prevention of making situations worse. For example, in CPR and First Aid classes, we are taught to make sure the scene is safe before approaching victims, because we don’t want to make ourselves vitcitms and increase the number of vicitms. However, I’m afraid that I think about myself first in everything, even in safe situations, which makes me evil. At times, I wonder if there really is such thing as an altruistic personality.