Departure From Arnor

A few weeks after being banned from TheOneRing.Com (TORC), I was invited to The House of Black (HoB), a family saga RP community run by some nicer members of TORC, so I signed up with EZBoard to participate.  Soon I began searching for more Tolkien-related RP communities, especially on EZBoard, and found a few though they didn’t have as many RPs as TORC. One of them, The Lost Realm of Arnor (Arnor), required Membership by Approval. Attracted by the introduction, I applied in about April 2004, and was soon admitted by the admins and former TORC members, Arveleg I (also a member of HoB) and Arassuil. I noticed some other TORC members had joined as well.

Arnor began slowly, but things flowed smoothly. The few members enjoyed posting with one another. Arveleg I (Arveleg) and a mod, Flame Imperishable (Flame), complimented my RP writing, and said that they were glad I joined. While then, Arveleg was having problems with an admin of HoB, which was starting to fall apart. He complained about narrow minds, jealousy, setting subjective rules and standards, and people being unable to differentiate fact from fiction. I was puzzled for I couldn’t see evidence of the problems, and thought they had some misunderstanding and rivalry.

Often drawing RP ideas from real life (RL) experiences, then altering them to fit stories and situations, I understood other writers doing the same thing. We were all able to tell apart fiction and nonfiction, and I thought members understood the rules and PG-13 rating, which I eventually realized could vary by individual.  However, people could portray their RL selves through writing, even fiction, and even worse, use fiction as an excuse to play mind games and indirectly attack others. Even worse, some people use more than one username (usually those of their RP characters) to cheat and get their ways.

After the decline of HoB, some members left and joined Arnor and other communities by invitation. his raised more complaints about mind games and being unable to distinguish fact and fiction. I was happy to see the new members, and at the same time, became aware that members of Arnor had to be at least 18, and what goes on in Arnor stays in Arnor. We could not discuss the community with nonmembers. It seemed reasonable at the time to respect the privacy of others, but I was unaware that they were clues to power abuse and trouble.

One day, when two new screen names appeared, Flame started a thread warning us to keep away from those troublemakers.  Unfortunately, she did that after I had welcomed them, so I asked for my post to be removed, but Flame only just made an RP post of keeping me away. We eventually found out that they were RP characters of Flame and another member. Now Flame who had complained about using more than one screen name to play mind games was doing it herself. She could have just said they were unpleasant characters in RP instead of making me worry about causing problems. It was not a good joke.  Several times, she also boasted how she hadn’t been banned for her unpleasant behavior at TORC. She also complained that boards founded and run by TORC members were bad news though Arnor was one of them. At the same time, I realized that Arassuil was often rude and impatient.

Most members of Arnor also liked drinking, and when I expressed my concern of their health (because I didn’t want my friends to suffer), Flame falsely accused me for impinging my views on them. Another time, she falsely accused me of narrow-mindedness and control when I expressed my opinions. When I asked about the former admins, she posted something like "People get busy, and things happen," falsely accusing me of not caring about others and forcing those people to return against their will. She could have just said, "Things have been busy for them," and report how they’re doing, which was what I wanted to know. I began to see why they would make Arnor a so-called "adult" community.

Many revelations were made in the middle of November 2004 when I became confused by some RP posts, rules, and standards. I accidentally wrote wrong actions for Arveleg’s and someone’s characters, and on November 15, Arveleg made a mean, rude, and nasty reply to my character in his RP post, and pointed out my mistake in the OOC (out-of-character) thread. I was relieved to have alternate plans, so I edited my post to fit with his, and then followed with one about my character’s reactions towards his character’s, which had nothing to do with RL. At the very same time, he made the following posts at another community as several of us talked about distractions and morals.

I never had the internet as a distraction in school… I had kegs, bongs, pipes, joints, girls…. 
   
Yeah I have low morals and values…. 😛 
   
Yeah, a culture thing… mine is just a whorin’ carousin’ drinkin’ druggin’  uneducated grunt life… but I’m glad I’m not so uptight that I worry about every little thing….. 

Its RP fishy… you get it??? Maybe you should not be able to see the Hidden Realms since you feel so morally high? Why would you want access?? Hmm….

My being upset in RL had nothing to do with RP posts. It was people’s RL and OOC behavior, my making mistakes, and getting others mad at me in RL that bothered me. However, Arveleg still falsely accused me of "pity partying" and "being unable to tell apart fact and fiction." He seemed to negatively influence others into believing and following him, and no matter how much I tried to explain the truth, nobody would believe me. Insulted and discouraged, I felt as if I couldn’t do anything right, and almost decided to leave the online communities. His posts showed his true background and personality: mean, deceitful, rude, arrogant, narrow-minded, drug-abusing, and lawbreaking. If it hadn’t been for the admin of that non-Arnor community, things would have gone out-of-control. A few days later, Arveleg had no choice, but to apologize and admit his mistakes, saying that he had been drunk.  Still, that was no excuse, especially since people shouldn’t be drinking in the first place.

Though things resumed as usual, I felt uncomfortable at Arnor. People, especially Arveleg, seemed to keep holding my mistakes on that RP towards me, and Flame tried to settle it in a harsh and accusing way, indirectly blaming me. When I apologized, she replied, "Don’t apologize," and said that her comments were for everyone wh

en she mostly directed them at my mistakes. When I posted a Christmas song about doing good things, she posted, "sigh.. here we go again," and complained about doing nice things for the holiday season. When I apologized and offered to remove the song, she scolded me for getting uptight, and said that she was expressing her opinions towards the holiday season. Well, she could have done it in a less offensive way, such as, "I don’t really like the holiday season, because…".

At the same time, Arveleg removed one of my RP posts, and lied that he did it by accident. When I rewrote the post on December 2, 2004, he removed it again along with my access to the RP forum without a warning, and said that my style of RP just didn’t fit.  

I then realized that he was the one unable to tell apart fact and fiction, playing mind games, and trying to attack me through RP. He was doing the things he had complained about at HoB: subjective, unfair, and unclear standards. I eventually learned that he is narrow-minded, cliquey, hypocritic, and often trying to stir up and continue troubles. He was probably also upset about what happened at HoB, so he took it out on me. I also discovered more and more that most members of Arnor seemed to like debating over everything. For almost anything mentioned, someone would start a debate over it, and drag others in. That was how I found out that most of the people there were Bush supporters, and I had known that many Bush supporters are narrow-minded and like arguing. The number of unpleasant topics was also increasing.

I began to wonder if their requirement of what goes on in Arnor stays in Arnor and Membership by Approval was because they knew about their unpleasant behavior, but didn’t want to admit, and are afraid of others finding out. The over 18 requirement was also an excuse to attack others and get away with it. I realized more and more that Arnor was not a place for me, and that people still didn’t believe my explanations regarding my RP mistakes and actions.

When I changed my mind and edited a post, Flame scolded, "I think we’ve heard this one before. Anything new?" falsely accusing me of repeating the same thing. After I explained things, she removed that post. It was the final straw. I left Arnor for about a month, but no one asked about me, which showed they either didn’t care or hated me. In February, I returned to tie up loose ends, then officially announce my departure.

I said, "I have my reasons," hoping I wouldn’t have to explain why I was leaving. However, Arassuil sent me a message asking why, and I replied that I was too busy, which was true. Then he asked if I was mad about something, but I just deleted the message. I didn’t want to tell him that he, Arveleg, and Flame were the main problem. Besides, I knew I would break the rule of what goes on in Arnor stays in Arnor, so I figured it was better to leave myself than wait for them to kick me out. I no longer have access to that community, but I don’t care since it was only causing me stress and misery. I am also afraid that they have been complaining and saying many unpleasant things about me that I do not want to know. To this day, I’m glad I left.