If this is still here I forgot to put in a title

You think she’s an open book but you don’t know which page to turn to do you do you

I dont have specific things to say but I wanted to write so I’m writing. I find it helps to start with some song lyrics, so there are some song lyrics. That would be Cake from the album Fashion Nugget. One of four CDs I have in my car. It’s been getting the most play lately, but only because I can’t be bothered to change it out for Dr Dre, Feist, or Vivaldi.

Feist, I’m not really into and don’t really know at all, but I saw it at the thrift store and Rachel is really into that chick, so I figured it was worth two bucks or whatever that thrift store charges for CDs. I’ve listened to it a few times, but I’m always more comfortable with songs I actually know. More precisely, it’s been played a few times. Not sure how much I actually listened to it. Couldn’t tell you what any of the songs are about or any lyrics or whatever, so mostly they just got played while I thought about whatever else I was thinking about at the time. Mostly that I really need to get my car fixed because the gas leak has me worried. And spending way too much on gas.

Particularly since I haven’t worked at all this week so far. I’m not sure if I fucked something up that I’m not aware of or there just isn’t much work to go around or what. I gotta call him in the morning and find out. This shit is not gonna work if I can’t actually work.

It occurred to me the other day how thin of a thread I’m hanging on by lately. The car sputtered a bit while I was driving, and immediately the familiar dread and anxiety flashed through me. Gave me a real glimpse of how easily I could slip back into the whole fuck everything I don’t care this is all bullshit I’m so fucking scared kinda thing. That was unpleasant. So I did the healthy thing and buried it. Turned up Dr Dre to speaker rattling levels and sang along to my favorite rap song, The Day the Niggaz Took Over. Track four on The Chronic. Me not out for peace and me not Rodney King. Me gun goes click. Me gun goes bing.

Got myself a Uzi and my brother a nine.

Been watching a lot of standup lately. James Acaster has become one of my favorite comedians. I learned about him late last year when I was doing nothing but watching British panel shows on YouTube and avoiding the outside world at all cost. He cracked me up on Would I Lie To You ranting about a 12 year old kid who was his worst enemy. He got a Netflix special that just came out with four sets of his standup, and he’s fucking funny. No political bullshit and very little meaningful anything, just silliness and sharp wit and ridiculous hypotheticals.

Doug Stanhope has a thing on Netflix that I really liked, as well. Basically the opposite of James Acaster. Drunk, angry American talking about real shit like helping his sick mom kill herself. It was really interesting and pretty funny.

I don’t have anything to say that I actually give a fuck about right now. I mostly wanted to move away from the shit I talked about in my last entry. I was doing a really good job of not thinking about any of that shit anymore, and then suddenly I wasn’t. I really need to make some friends.

I should invite myself over to Tony’s house. Tony’s fucking great.

I’m gonna go for a walk. It’s cold out, but whocares. I need to move around.

Titan sucked, by the way. If that’s on your Netflix list, just go ahead and thumbs down that shit and move on.

It always bothers me in movies when a cop with a family goes deep undercover. Like what a fucking douchebag. You are clearly prioritizing the job over your own fucking family. A job that will never ever end, by the way. Crime is not going anywhere. Your kids are growing up without you around. Fuck you.

So in the movie Titan, it’s the future, and obviously shit is fucked up because humans are still around. So they’ve decided that Titan is humanity’s best bet. It’s already basically terra formed, except it’s so cold there, the rivers and oceans and precipitation is methane. There’s a lot of nitrogen, so maybe they can farm in the soil or whatever. (that shit’s true)

So their plan in the shit pile of a science fiction movie (starring the dead eyed “actor” from Avatar) is to genetically alter (“enhance”) a few people for like a test run or something. Truthfully, I wasn’t paying super close attention to the stupid details. The point was, the main scientist guy, who is played by a guy who always plays a politician or someone in power wielding that power irresponsibly (he went crazy in Michael Clayton, which was boring as fuck, so probably won some awards), puts several volunteers through a bunch of shit to “force evolution” or whatever. Okay, sure. It’s a science fiction movie. I’m on board.

The thing is, these people have families. Main guy has a wife, with whom he’s clearly very much in love and a son and he’s clearly a great father and the first hour of the movie is interspersed with scenes blasting you in the face with how idyllic their life is and how he’s a hero and blah dee fuckin blah blah blah. So, yeah. Instantly, I’m like, “Fuck this guy.” Not only because he’s voluntarily leaving for two years *at best*, but he’s voluntarily being physically altered to survive on a planet (moon) that’s so cold, methane is a liquid. Then his wife starts getting surprised that he’s changing. Swear to god that’s a direct quote. “HE’S CHANGING!” And the megalomaniac scientist guy somehow doesn’t just go, “Well… No shit, you fucking moron. Did you think we were injecting him with stuff and literally giving him different eyes and all this other genetically altered shit and he’d still be the normal human man you’ve gone to such great pains to illustrate to everyone that you’re so desperately happy with? Jesus christ, you dumbfuck. You’re literally playing a doctor in this movie.”

I don’t know how it ended, but I’m gonna guess they lived happily ever after once he’d been mutated into a lizard looking alien thing. I fell asleep after that. Woke up to a trailer of Game Over Man. Which I watched the other day, and didn’t laugh at much. Guy at work said it was hilarious. Glad he enjoyed it.

Anyway. Titan is a piece of shit. Or The Titan. Whichever. It sucked. I’m going for a walk in the cold.