guilty.

I was watching a previous episode of Oprah tonight – where Lisa Ling reported on how the economy is causing a rising number of homeless people, tent cities, etc. Scary stuff. And, looking around my beautiful new house from my large, comfortable, new sectional, I started feeling a little guilty. I’m so lucky… this isn’t hitting me at all… but I do feel guilty. Admittedly I’m a little conflicted as well. On the one hand I start thinking… should I be saving more money? Should I stash it away? Or should I instead spend spend spend and keep this economy afloat? And then the logical me says Erin… you idiot… maybe you should do a bit of both?

But I digress. So I’m watching Oprah, feeling guilty, and suddenly it occurs to me I need to call me sister-in-law. And I find out her last day of her job was yesterday. And the divorce is final this week. Man… still feeling guilty over here.

But the reality of my life right now is that things are really really good. We originally thought we might be house-poor for the first few months of living here, but we actually have way more money coming in than going out. No idea how I miscalculated the budget this much – apparently I built in a ton of wiggle room. Don’t tell our employers this, but we could never get another raise again and be perfectly content and comfortable. It’s a bit ridiculous.

And aside from money and mortgages, I have an amazing amazing husband whom I love very much. It’s been over a year now (feels like maybe one month?) and things are still perfect. I bake a little too much, cook a little too little, and weigh entirely too much right now, but, you know, life is good. (we may purchase an elliptical machine soon though…) We bought a bunch of books last week and I’m super psyched about it. I’m almost done with one of the five I bought… and, really, it just feels good to be addicted to books again.

I was just at a women in computing conference this weekend. Learned a ton, met some very interesting people. And this is going to be shallow, so I apologize in advance, but man is that conference good for my self-esteem. Generally I consider myself to be a decent looking person, but not like gorgeous or anything. Just you know, decent. Gotta be honest, right now I feel downright hot. We women in computing are not known for our looks… I just wanted to call in the Stacy & Clinton brigade.

The conference also reminded me of the imposter syndrome. Women go look it up. Guilty.

I also need to get the piano tuned and start playing again. So remind me of that!

That’s allllll I’ve got…

eb