it could work…

Maybe if I write twice a day until June I’ll actually make it and keep it down at 4 months in one viewing. Maybe? That’s a huge dedication of time though. *sigh* It would be easier if we already had wireless and I could write on my laptop in my room… it really would. Oh well.

Since I’ve gotten home I’ve been able to get in touch with Nicole again. I’m actually really happy about that… I’ve missed her all year, and especially lately. I saw her after the band concert… we hugged and spoke briefly. Since then we’ve exchanged several emails, and for some reason for the past two days she’s actually logged on. We pretty much stopped talking last spring… not really for any particular reason, but I think when Alex D. and I broke up that’s when our friendship started disintegrating. There was no more combo, no more trips, and a kind of division for her… she was still friends with both of us. At any rate, I didn’t see her or talk to her once over the summer, and didn’t really ever see her online. If I did, I probably didn’t think to IM her since we hadn’t really spoken much anyway.

I’m rambling… sorry. The point is, she was a pretty important part of my life last year, and a huge part of my growth and diversification as a person. We had so much fun in combo, even if things in both of our romantic lives never actually turned out how we wanted. We were very very different people, but somehow we could bond, share stories, learn from each other… and just… be friends. For some reason I can confide in Nicole, and I like to think she can confide in me, although she’s usually pretty open about her life to anyone who asks. Talking to her has been really fun. She’s found an awesome new boyfriend… they’ve been together for awhile now, but it’s new to me, and in some ways he sounds a lot like Chris. I don’t really have an extreme point here… just that it’s nice to find we can still be friends, and that we’ve both missed each other’s company over the year.

Speaking of Alex D… so we’re sitting in church yesterday morning, and Rev. H is talking about how we all have that one person in our lives we hate, but that we should try to forgive them. To be really honest, I’m not really sure how that fit in to the rest of the sermon, but at least it gave me something to think about as he rambled on for over twenty minutes. Usually his sermons are really good, even if he only gets to preach maybe three times a year, but man… I think he was trying to cram in too much to make up for lost time. At any rate, so I’m sitting there, thinking… yeah… and that person is in the balcony several hundred feet behind me… huh. And then I wondered if it’s childish and immature to hold resentment for over a year… especially when I’ve been off in college for 8 months. I decided that while maybe it is in fact immature, it’s probably pretty natural, as long as it does not affect how I act toward him (if I have to be in contact with him) and as long as I’ve forgiven him. You say, can you resent him and have forgiven him at the same time? Yes. Well, in my mind it’s possible, anyway.

Since I’ve gotten home, I’ve baked muffins from scratch, and two different types of cookies. Stop, back up, reread that, and then stare in shock as I would do. –waits- That’s right… I think something in me is becoming domestic. I’m scared, and if it’s ok, would like to run for my life. Actually the apple pies at fall term finals time during school took a lot more effort, but still, the mere fact that I’m trying to do anything is shocking. I think maybe it’s because I’m slightly bored and sometimes find there’s nothing good to eat in the house. –shrugs- Whatever the reason… I thought I’d share. (yeah that was me realizing I didn’t have a way to finish that sentence, or thought for that matter)

I told Aaron I was writing another entry as we speak. He said “you’re giving me a heart attack, stop it.” I’m sure you all agree with that. –winks-

I want to play the guitar at the strangest hours, I’ve found. But I can’t play the guitar right now, because the parentals are sleeping. Then I think, hmm, I really should start practicing piano again… work my fingers back up to half normalcy, so I can at least feign playing some great work. I kind of miss that, but I get so depressed when I sit back down and can barely play that I rarely sit back down and barely play. Does that make sense? I think psychologically I’d rather start learning a new instrument and suck at it now, knowing I can get better, than start relearning an instrument I used to be, pardon the brag, quite decent to mildly good at. But this is nonsense, and really I’m in love with the piano and need to start playing again. (Plus we just got it tuned, and if I don’t play it now when it sounds good, my sense of self will just get worse when its key center starts going out of whack.)

Just for the record, I have no desire to pick up my saxophone, much less play it. None at all. As weird as this may and will sound, I think I’d rather try to play clarinet again, although the faint memories of clarinet squeaks versus saxophone squawks is enough to make me retract that statement. Maybe I’ll learn cello. It is, after all, my favorite instrument… besides piano. Although I think for listening purposes it may even surpass that. But don’t make me write such harsh comparison at the moment… I’m not nearly as in tune with the piano as I usually am, and should therefore not make such a statement unless I’m at the height of my playing.

I am such a member of my family. Except I’ll not transition to golf as my parents occasionally (meaning more often than not) do. Unless you’d like to discuss Annika? -winks-

Well, lest I make Aaron go get triple bypass surgery, I’ll end this entry now, before it turns into another double-entry event…