June 21, 2002

Let me start off by thanking God for answering my prayer. I know that He is always listening, and he always answers our prayers, but for the first time I truly realized how awesome His power is when it comes to answering. Carrie became violently ill yesterday – I wasn’t home to know what all happened. Today when I woke up she was sleeping in the recliner, and she did not look good at all. In fact, for the first part of the day she seemed sicker than she usually becomes. Thank you God for helping her to feel so much better. Although she is still not completely well, I know that it was Your awesome power that is soothing her pain. I pray that she might feel better and even better as she rests tonight. Thank you Lord!!!!

Am I allowed to pray by writing? I suppose it’s a stupid question, because of course there are no rules on how to pray, but still. Somehow I think praying should be simply out there. At any rate, I’m going to try to address my faith or pray in my writing as often as I can in order to keep that spirit alive. I will not lose the high this time, and I will not lose Lakeside. I refuse to let that happen. God is too great… and as Duffy Robbins said during his keynote speech, it’s an opportunity too good to pass up, and a message too good to mess up. I let it hit me and then pass every year, every summer. Not anymore. I want this. I want God in my life. I’ve never let Him into very much of my life for an extended period of time, and you know what? Nothing else seems to have worked that well.

Alright, let me make that more clear. I’m not saying I’ve tried drugs or sex or anything too extreme, because I obviously haven’t. I’m also not saying my life is not full or good. What I am saying, is that my life hasn’t been anything to get extremely excited about until I let Him in. Think about it – I live half of the year just so I can get to Lakeside. Lakeside is where I always have Him, and Lakeside is when I’m happiest… and the most myself. The people I meet, the friends I make… they’re all awesome when I meet them through Christ, or come together with them through Christ. So why wouldn’t I just have Him all the time? I guess I hadn’t thought about it before.

After orientation I was seriously considering rooming with Meg. Now I would have to say I have no desire to room with her, and I wasn’t really sure why until tonight. I just went to Lakeside, and I invaded a week with a group that had already made friends with each other – they didn’t need more. Some of them invited me in and became my friends. Of course, I did have Gretchen there, but in my opinion that balanced the fact that they all knew each other previously. Going off to college is going to be similar yet different. Yes, we will know some others at our colleges, but for the most part, we will be experiencing new people. I loved getting to know that handful of CCYMers… and in a way, I can’t wait to get to know people at school. It’s scary at first… I’m not the most social when it comes to getting to know people. At the end, however, I love it. I love meeting new people, experiencing new personalities, and ultimately becoming friends. College… what a great opportunity.

Twenty-four hours later. Almost exactly. And I miss them terribly. Why is that? I didn’t know them very well, they didn’t know me very well, I didn’t let me guard down around them very much… and yet I miss them. I miss Lakeside, I miss Hilltop, I miss Peter and Philip perhaps more than anyone… I miss Gretchen, I miss Saralyn, I miss Tim, I miss my home-slice/fly-girl (inside joke with Abby). I really wish that I could get online right now and talk to them, but there are several factors that won’t allow me to do that. First of all, our house for some strange reason cannot get online. Grr. Second of all, because Gretchen left for Tennessee this morning, I have yet to get Peter’s email address. I suppose those are the remaining reasons – I don’t have anyone’s email or screen name. Of course, Peter’s the only person that told me to get his information from Gretchen, which is awesome, because it means he wants to keep in touch. That doesn’t necessarily mean the others don’t want to, but then again, Peter’s the one person more than anyone I want to keep in touch with too.

continued in next entry