June 21, 2002

Back to the real world. Or maybe, as Kathy mentioned in that video, Lakeside is the real world. At any rate, I’m back in my room, in my house, in my city… back to the way of life most of us know. The way of life with the laptops, and desktops, internet, phones, cells, television, DVD’s, stereo systems, cars, diversity. I didn’t want to leave Lakeside. I’m always afraid of leaving Lakeside. It’s not only because I love it so incredibly much, but also because I lose Lakeside. Every time I exit those gates I promise myself I will not lose it this time… I will stay on the hill… and every time I exit those gates, well, I lose it. I am mushed back into the real world, and I adopt the real world once more. In Lakeside prayer and praise and singing become habits. But here those habits have longer-standing habits which replace them. I forget to pray here… I forget to praise God for the work he does in my life here… I forget to listen, I forget to get out of His way here. I forget Lakeside.

Dear Lord, please do not allow me to lose this once again. Let me keep You in my heart, Lord, allow me to remember this time, and to praise Your name for everything. Let me not overanalyze what could have been, because now, in my heart, I realize that everything has happened for a reason. I have realized that you have the power to end things that I didn’t have the strength of character or morals to end. And I thank You SO MUCH for that gift! Looking back through this year’s events and even more years past, I realize that I am such a weak person… I only gain strength when you work in my life.

Thank You for giving me the opportunity to meet some awesome people this week. Three years ago turned me off from CCYM as much as anything, and I praise you for letting me see the awesome-ness of that group. I lift up Peter, Philip, Tim, Ashley, Amy, Anne, Maggie, Jeanette, Gretchen, Kim, Linda, Leland, Lee, Logan, Matt, and everyone who greeted me with an open heart. God bless the (K) boys! I remember them and have seen them every year at YAC, but I thank You for letting me know them this week, Lord. I thank You for all of their testimonies… they are all inspirations to me.

Lakeside is exactly what I needed. I guess I’ve known that for awhile, but I didn’t know how to create Lakeside in my heart. It’s a little like Brigadoon, in some ways. It’s always there when you need it to be, it’s always in your memory and heart, it’s always home when you get there. But it’s hard to find, and you can only find it in the summer. I need to find a way to pack Lakeside in my suitcase so that I may bring it home with me, but also so that I might take it with me to school. Help me to find a Christian group in college… help me to feel Your presence in my heart even in college, where I know and have heard it is the hardest place to take Lakeside and feel You.

I only knew these people for a week. Many of them never did figure out who I was, and I never got the chance to talk to many of them. But their faces remain in my head, and for many of them, their faces go along with a name I learned. I am going to miss those people so incredibly much. Of course, there are always a handful whom I don’t especially care for, but it doesn’t make a difference – I will miss them all, especially those who invited me into their lives. Gretchen has known some of them for four years… Gretchen knows each and every one of them, and they are her second family. Last night was her last night as a member of CCYM, and I cannot imagine having to go through that. I cried at the thought of never seeing Peter and Philip again… and she cried more. I’m sure we will see them, and if I don’t I know she will – they were probably her best friends in CCYM. But we both cried, and I want to thank God that I had that opportunity to see some awesome Christians.