it was all worth it

“Perhaps you did care about her, but you didn’t let it stop your selfish instincts. Maybe if you knew what friendship was, you would know that friends don’t do that to eachother, espically if you said you really cared about her as well. On a final note, think about all the choices you have made in the past years and ask yourself, “Was it worth it?”

Have a nice day.” — not-so-anonymous note-leaver

Being best friends with Jen and Kim in preschool was worth it. Meeting and becoming best friends with Sherry was worth it. Being in a very elite group of best friends with Erica, Patricia, Zorana, and Allison was worth it. Staying best friends with Erica was worth it. Becoming best friends with Cindy was worth it. In 7th grade becoming good friends with Katie, Katie, and Mitch was worth it. In 8th grade becoming best friends with Kim was worth it. In 10th grade becoming best friends with Jaimie was worth it. In 11th grade, becoming best friends with Aimee, Emma, and Kim was DEFINITELY worth it. Becoming best friends with Meg, through whom I grew to love Dani as well… that was worth it too. Getting to know Nolan was worth it. Re-inventing a strong friendship between Alex and I after months of fighting and not speaking was worth it. Being with Alex is worth it.

Don’t you get it at all? It’s not that I don’t still look back on last year fondly. It’s not that I don’t still treasure the memories that we all got from being so close. I don’t regret a minute of having shared so much with you 3. Not a minute! And years from now when I look back, I’ll think about all those times we had together… when we were sisters and knew everything about one another. When we could predict what one would say next. When we would be making pudding and whipped cream glasses for surprise birthday parties and cutting up cheese. Just because I have grown away from you does NOT mean that I don’t still love what we had. Because WE were definitely worth it.

Now, back to the issue at hand. First of all, I became friends with Vanessa through Alex. In all honesty I probably would have never become good friends with her if it hadn’t been for him. You see, Nolan and I as a couple were friends with Alex and Vanessa as a couple. (Which, judging from the present situations, is rather ironic.) Anyway, Alex and I were best friends, so our significant others joined us as well. I was never really close to her… but it seemed like it because I was close to him.

I never actually DID anything either. Maybe I was the cause… maybe not. But that still doesn’t mean that I actually did anything. Had you thought about that? I never tried to break them up. Lord I wanted to sometimes, but I never acted upon that. I did not break up with Vanessa… Alex did. I did not ask Alex out… Alex asked me out. Come on… I fell in love with Alex two months ago. I can’t even tell you how many times I tried to get over him and move on. About two weeks before winter formal I thought I had finally killed that feeling inside of me. I was so proud of myself… I felt so free because I felt that I could like someone else without thinking about Alex. Of course, that feeling ended up being not-so-dead when Alex discovered he liked me… but it had been at least shut down and pushed to the side. So when people ask how could I do that to her, I ask what did I do?

Yesterday Vanessa and I started talking again. I think we hugged three times. She asked me if we were ok… and I responded that we were as long as she was. And yes, we are friends again.

It was worth it.