So das passiert…

I’m feeling really very… hmm… unsatisfied right now. Why? Why is this? It was supposed to be fun… and parts of it were. And I feel stupid because it was only a certain group of people and it was small and most of the ODers didn’t know about it, which I suppose I feel bad about, but then again, I didn’t want another caroling party thing where there were so many people I couldn’t breathe and this is a huge run-on.

This morning my mom said I should invite a few people for pizza and a DVD tonight, so today at school I invited Meg, Dani, JP, Garett, Ron, Scott, Meera, and Liz. Scott asked to bring a friend, so I said sure hey why not. (Ich glaubte, dass es ein Maedchen war, und es macht mir sehr traurig. Aber es war wirklich ein Junge. Ich habe in Mathe herausgefunden.) Well, Liz had car problems and was at the post office for hours after school because her car broke down. She ended up not coming. Ron neglected to tell me that he had to work tonight? So he didn’t come. The group resulted in a mis-matched disaster. I mean, it was horrible, but it was bad. Jon, Scott’s friend, was really weird and didn’t fit in and was just… WEIRD. Ahhhh. Plus there was a lot of tension in the Scott – Dani area. I honestly didn’t expect it to be that much of a problem, but I guess it really is. I shouldn’t have invited him, I guess. The rest of us are used to hanging out together.

No one could agree on anything. No one could agree on a movie, only Garett, Dani, and JP even bothered to stay to watch the entire movie once we stuck with one. (I understand, and yet, it ticks me off.) It was just so tension-filled. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether to cut the cake or change the movie or just scream and give up. Why am I like this? Why am I this confused? Last minute, I know. I know I know. Bad mix perhaps. But gosh, I’m not used to having things flop that much. Dani and JP are going to start thinking they’ve always been like this… but really things have been soooooo fun before. Maybe I’ll just up and quit and never have anyone over ever unless there are only like 3 people. Because honestly I get along with all of those people individually or in a small group. But Lord they’re never going to be put in the same room ever again.

I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own house. I hate it.

See how really I’m just PMSing? See how on a normal day I would not be totally over-reacting like this? AHH. I almost NEED that combo thing tomorrow. Dear God, I dread it, yet I just want to be taken away from my world for a little bit and look back on it. I just feel somewhat disappointed and unsatisfied and there’s absolutely no reason! No reason. None. Nichts. Zippo. Nadda.

And I’m starting to feel kind of sad when people don’t tell me certain things. Especially when I told them things. And it’s not to most of you. In fact that’s only directed to one of you, and you don’t even know it anyway.

Erinnert die ganze “Teufel” und “Engel” Problem? Ja, heute Abend habe ich ein bisschen überdenkt, dass ich wirklich nicht soll. Dinge, dass ich nicht beabsichtige. Ich denke, dass ich nicht über Jungen denken soll, aber soll nur mich sein. Ich bin eine eigenverantwortliche Frau. Alle die Frauen, die selbstaendig sind… werfen deine Hände auf am mir! Mensch. Vielleicht bin ich nur schläfig.

Perhaps I’m just tired. And PMSing. Definitely.