there are times when I just need words

You know I don’t write enough when you can see entries from August, September, and October all in one list of 30 entries. It’s not even a matter of unwillingness to write anymore. It’s this thing. Stress. Stress from school and how much I’ve COMPLETELY over-extended myself. And I thought this would be an easier year. Who was I kidding? (myself, apparently)

I’ll warn you now that I intend to rant and rave for quite awhile before moving on to more interesting (or is it more boring?) happy, fun things. I have a lot to complain about. I’m in this self-pitying mood I suppose. And yet I’m also in this -easily pissed off at the world- mood. It’s a constant stuggle… *smiles with sarcasm*

Allow me to tell you about my day. A quick overview, so to speak. 1-3 was an honors physics test. 4th mod I finished my calculus homework and scarfed down a bagel. 5-6 I wrote an essay for an AP english test. 7-8 I took an AP calculus quiz. blah blah blah (band) yadda yadda yadda. 15-16 I turned in my 300 word German composition. blah blah blah (viele band) yadda yadda yadda (for 2 hours) grr grr grr. That brings you up to date for today. Now for the fun part…

WHAT THE HELL WERE MY TEACHERS THINKING?

When you get down to it, I really only have 4 classes. If you don’t count band and the fact that I sell my soul to the webteam 13-14… really only 4. It’s kind of IRONIC how most of us had 3 if not 4 tests today. My mom’s a teacher, so I’m quite aware that they don’t TRY to kill us like that, but sometimes it just makes you wonder. Perhaps some of them really DO get together at night and scheme ways of making out lives living hells. The worst part is, I spent all of Tuesday finishing Dostoeyevsky so that I would have time Wednesday to write my German comp. And I did have time to write my German comp. In fact, I was done by 9! (a new record, I might add) So I said, “hey what the heck” (ok so I didn’t actually say it… hush.) I might as well study for my physics test.

So I did. For 2 hours. I sat here looking at a practice test online, notebook open, old homework out, madly punching keys into my lovely graphing calculator (oh how I was tempted to play tetris) praying to God that someone would know how to do 2 of the problems. We have this listserve for the AP and honors physics classes in order to email each other and get things from our teacher. Some of us were frantically emailing each other. The problem here was, it was about 10:30 at night, and none of us knew what the heck was going on. I might add that it’s very RARE for me to be so completely unprepared for a test. Maybe I don’t study, but at least I know what I’m doing. This was just horrifying… horrifying. Going to bed at midnight, I was sleep deprived for all three tests.

Yesterday I almost broke down in tears during German. I had myself under control, so I’m fairly positive no one could tell. But between her slamming Clinton and being all pro-Bush (and you know what… FINE… Bush is doing a good job under the circumstances, but I maintain that he has little brain capacity in comparison to Clinton. We won’t even get into this right now), telling us (amidst our complaints that the comp due date should be moved to Monday) that we had it so good in comparison to the people working in the NYC burn unit… I just couldn’t handle it. I have something to do EVERY FREAKING DAY for the next 3 weeks, not counting Sundays and the occassional Tuesday. How did I let this happen again? How is it that I’m doing that much? I’m only taking 4 classes… less than I ever have… but they’re killing me. I’m getting a very low A in physics… after this test I guarantee you it’s at least a B. Not a clue what I’m getting in English… I hope something decent. In calculus I’m getting a low A… but I’m really not too concerned about that class. In German I’m fairly positive that I’m getting a C. Of course, if I finally do the extra credit, I’ll have a B. An 89% to be exact. Basically, in a nutshell, this is me… straight A 4th in the class national merit commended suddenly getting straight B’s me.

Band is an entirely different issue. AHHH! We have been marching that opener since TUESDAY of band camp. What was that, August 14? Yes. Yes… that’s two months. We have been marching and playing that drill for 2 months. And they still don’t know their spots! It always seems to be MY squad, too. The squad that either doesn’t care or just can’t march worth crap. The squad never in the diagonal, always behind or in front. I can’t even stand it. You know what? It’s not even just my squad. It’s half the people in band. It’s the people that give you dirty looks when you tell them to fix something. Well, you know what? Excuse me. Last time I checked, we’ve told you to fix it for about a month now. I’m sick of it. Get to your spot. Stay in the form. Cover down. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GIVING ME LIP ABOUT IT!

In case you hadn’t noticed, this is me reverting to last year’s bitch-mode Erin. I could be wrong, but I think Nolan’s slightly worried about me.

I’m off to be

~swept away in a long weekend~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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