a kind of cynical but true realization

I hate it when I’m forced to save an entry before it’s ready. Usually in that situation I’ll go back and actually finish it. In this situation, however, I’m just too lazy. It’s easier to write another entry. Heck, it had a title… I wasn’t mid-sentence or mid-word or anything. Besides, Sean had already left me a note. That would greatly tick me off if someone re-wrote an entry I’d already read. Of all the nerve.

*I’ve so done that before*

My mom taped the wedding on the… whatever show today. She figured if we voted on the dress, we might as well get to see the wedding. And so we did. Which is, coincidentally, tore me from my entry. Mom and I, the saps that we are, sat down and watched their wedding on tape, saying “Aww… they’re so cute! The flowers are so beautiful! Erin… that’s the dress you voted for! Mom, she just winked! Awww….” and various other drippy statements. But seriously, did anyone else think his dimples were to die for?

I should probably start something constructive right now. That would take energy. Ooh, whoops… it’s not band… I can’t complain. That would also require me to acknowledge the fact that I actually have homework. An outrage. I’m not supposed to have homework! No, but I’m actually almost done, so it’s not too bad. This is me, procrastinating just as much as I have any other year. DOWN with year-long goals!

What if I claimed procrastination was something like ADD? Do you think they’d actually take me seriously? I mean, they take ADD people seriously. As if never being forced to actually control yourself is an illness. Isn’t procrastination sort of the same? What a sorry excuse. But watch, the minute I claim procrastination, they’ll all see right through it. Bah. Hypocrits.

Speaking of hypocrits, yeah I am so one of those. I was actually just talking to Anthony about that today during band. Think back through your life. There were always things you were saying or doing… you had your little stances on everything I’ll bet. And how many times have you caught yourself in a situation doing the exact OPPOSITE of what you believed in the first place? The other day I was in the garage, and I heard some elementary school girl riding her bike turn over her shoulder and yell “Nice stop there!” (friends babble something) “I don’t care, that’s the law!” That was so me in 5th grade. I can hear myself saying almost the exact same thing. One of those things I used to say and my parents would try to hush me up. Yeah I sure don’t make complete stops now that I have my license, do I? Let’s see, I was anti-couples. Anti-kissing in the halls, anti all that junk. Yeah well THAT’s down the drain. And then my entire stance on band? How it’s life or whatever? I used to think last year’s seniors were such jerks. Devil’s advocates. They didn’t even want to be good. Well, last time I checked, it’s my senior year, and I’m totally pissed off at the thought of band. I don’t even care anymore… and I’m with the worst of the seniors. It’s senior-itis… it just starts in band.

Hypocritical. It’s a way of life for all of us, I’m pretty sure. Even if you don’t mean to be… even if you don’t realize it. I’m sure you are. I laugh at myself these days. “Didn’t I say I’d never…” Yeah. Well, don’t get me wrong… I still have my morals. It’s just the other things.

“Man are you cynical this year!” Welcome to my world.

I’m being

~swept away with one eyebrow raised~

@~>~>-dreamergrrl

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