Trapped in a small closet…

I’ve felt so very very trapped in the past few weeks. It’s really not fun at all. My dad thinks I’m just ready to be out of high school and get on with my life. I quite agree.

You know how my attitude was very “screw the world” a few weekends ago. Well that comes and goes, I guess. Some days I’m completely just happy and myself all day, and other days I’ll start to flip out. Adults just seem to want to shove me into a drawer and lock me up. I just want out! I want to go wherever I need to go whenever I need to without a stupid lunchroom teacher threatening us with detentions. (Yes… we are all the devil and we WANT to be late and miss our lunch… how could you have figured it out?) I want free reign with my car too. I feel trapped at school and in band more than anywhere else, but I wish I were allowed to just take my car wherever whenever without my parents ALWAYS needing to know. Can’t I just get up and leave?

Suffocating. That’s what I feel like during band. I march, I watch Mr. V’s hands, I listen to Mr. H’s drum taps – I flip. They’re not together. Mr. H says we’re slowing down. Mr. V agree’s – what’s he supposed to do? Say, “no, I’m sorry Mr. H, you’re wrong!” Yeah… great move to a co-worker. Whatever. We may be slowing down a little, but Mr. H is TOTALLY speeding up. I don’t freaking care what he says. Plus, they blame us when we fall apart… meanwhile I’m watching Mr. V’s tempo and listening to what Mr. H THINKS is Mr. V’s tempo… and so we have two DIFFERENT tempos going on at once. Yeah… sure he’s with you… MY @$$!

Can’t people ever just remember that you mark time 16 and then place 16? That’s it. Just move 2, or 4, or 6, or 8, or 10, or 12, or 14 and then drop off and count until 16 and MOVE again. Is it THAT hard? SHEESH. OH, and a straight line… what a concept.

Yes… we’re going outside already. I don’t know how we can go any faster. WE’re WORKING ON IT! Mr. H ticks me off more than anyone these days. Take, for example, the fact that since he was demoted to assistant director and Mr. V’s in charge. OK, well we have new (and BETTER) commands this year… so we respond to them. But Mr. H has decided he’s not going to take the time to learn the new commands. So he’ll start a rehearsal and give us all these commands from years past that not only are crappy and give us no sense of time, but also which the sophomores don’t know AT ALL. Tell me this… as assistant director, wouldn’t that be his JOB to learn the new ones? Maybe??

Well I’ve been demoted from garage detail. Grr. My parents saw me back out today (minor turfing… ok so it was major) and I come home today to a mother who says, just pull behind the van. Ohhhhh… ok. So now my dad gets the garage and I have to clean snow off the car during the winter unless I can get the garage back.

Did I mention I can’t get a date to homecoming? Yeah I finally asked Aaron online the other night, but he doesn’t want to even go. So fine. I was thinking about Dave, but I never see him, so I don’t know if he’s already going with someone or even has a girlfriend. (I don’t think he does though…) Meanwhile I REALLY want to wear the orange pants to homecoming. *wink to Aims* Orange pants = Peter. Lol LONG story. But yeah… she met him sort of last night at youth group… and yeah she thinks the orange pants are darn fine. That doesn’t help though, cause my mom won’t let me wear the orange pants to homecoming.

So I still don’t have a date.

@~>~>-dreamergrrl***~***~***~***^~^~^~dreamergrrl~^~^~^***~***~***~***