More Things

I never know what to call these stupid entries… I guess things just expresses what I’m feeling anyway.

First off – I’ve not talked to Andy since, hmm, not this past Sunday but the Sunday before that. The day we left YAC and spoke online a little bit. That’s it – he hasn’t responded to my email or anything. That should say something in itself… Something like “(my name) DING DONG! Helloo?? He never liked you! He’s stupid, was totally using you, and in a way you were using him too! Get over it and figure out how to stop yourself from doing something during Reach Out you pathetic person!” So…

Tomorrow I’m going to Cedar Point again. This time the marching band is going. I guess we go, play a few songs, march through the park, play a few more songs, and then we’re free to do whatever the entire day. Awesome! Band jocks on roller coasters here we come! (But the last time I was there Andy was there… bad memories… Actually good memories, but the memories that follow are bad… nevermind.) Ummm… Yeah I can’t ride the Raptor without, um, yeah… yeah, just… yeah.

So let’s see… tonight my youth group is going to the beach from 6-8. Yeah, notice how it’s 5:40 and my mom isn’t home and I’m most likely not going. Nice. I mean, I said it was fine because I AM going to Cedar Point tomorrow and all, but I really wanted to go. I guess Shaun is going. Ehh… I guess he’s going to Reach Out too, which is sort of sucking for me. I mean, it’s great that he’s going and that he found God, but he’d better not cling to me. If you join a youth group, it’s not my responsibility anymore, as horrible as that sounds. But really, once you’re in, you have to make friends (I mean not that that’s hard or a chore or anything…) and actually fend for yourself to a point. I was just like him at one point, so deal, you know? I don’t know. Maybe I’m a horrible person.

The band is looking pretty sweet with this new director. He’s straight out of college and we actually can march. (corp style, but still…) I just hope tomorrow goes well for us – it’ll be the first impression of how good HE is as a director.

I’m in one of those “wow I want a boyfriend” moods. Yes, I know I don’t need one – geez, that’s what I usually tell everyone else. And you’re totally right in saying that… I’m my own person. But it would be really really nice to have one. Just to know that there is someone out there that you love who loves you back just because of who you are… and getting little compliments wouldn’t be all that bad either… and just being together wouldn’t hurt… or getting awesome hugs, or kisses – imagine that. That entire scenario would get me out of the intro and into chapter 3. (inside joke don’t worry about it) But that would also qualify me as having had a first kiss. Grrrrr…

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to scream. Everything is just really bugging me. I hate people and I love people and I want to strangle some people and hug others. AHHHHH. I can’t deal with my family anymore, I can’t deal with my friends anymore, I can’t deal with the internet anymore, I just CAN’T DEAL!

What the heck is wrong with me? I just think I’m physically exhausted. For a person who does very little to be active to suddenly be thrown into not only marching, which I can handle, but add running and weight lifting in a total of 4 1/2 hours of physical activity is rather stressing! I need to chill. And I can’t. I’m sooo tired, but I don’t want to sleep – I want to be with my friends in a NON-SCHOOL setting. This is supposed to be summer for God’s sake!

@~>~>-dreamergrrl