october to a week ago

It’s totally blurred. I don’t even know why. Everything that has happened from October to a week ago is all jumbled in my mind, and I can’t even sort through it. Is there such thing as picture overdose? Where you look at so many pictures that you can’t remember where you were in the picture, who took it, or why you love it?

Hmm, that turned out to be a psycho thought.

So anyway, I find myself not missing people I am supposed to miss, and I find myself not believing some things I did this year, and I find myself not remember how the heck I could’ve won an economic’s departmental award when I still don’t even know what the Gross National Product measures. I talk to people I said I loved, and I find myself not believing they ever existed. I talk to people I know I loved, and may still love, and I find myself being a bitch to them.

It’s like now that they’re never around, I don’t even miss them like I should.

Can it really be the end of sophomore year? It’s so strange that everything is going to come to an end. Everyone’s going to camps, or out of town, or college, or just plain moving. Very strange, very happy, very sad. Some moments I would love to relive, and others I would pay to erase.

I find myself being the same person I was in September, except maybe smarter, more mature, and more aware of the world. But it’s as if I have come full circle. Very strange. I’m not depressed about it, I’m not happy about it, I’m not sad about it. It simply is the way it is, and I don’t know what to think about it.

But all of it is a blur… All blurry… What happened?

@~>~>-dreamergrrl