5/20/00

“I’m surprised that you’ve never been told beofre that you’re lovely, and you’re perfect, and that somebody wants you. I’m surprised that you’ve never been told that you are priceless, yeah you’re precious, even when you are not new!”

Hmmmm… I love this soundtrack. More than anything. I wish I owned it! “10 Things I Hate About You” Ok, so it’s a little, yeah well, movie-ish, but I love it anyway. I’m a misfit to an extent. I mean, I’m not hostile or anti-social or anything, well about some things anyway, I’m just, I don’t know. How do I describe it? Oh yeah – I’m smart and have values. Heh, doesn’t seem to be a real attracter – I don’t know why…

Well at any rate, I’m a little sick of it. i mean, not sick of WHO I am, because I love who I am and am completely comfortable with myself. I’m just sick of being the “freak” and being the “nerd”. Ok, don’t get all scared away – I’m not a freak as in dying my hair 20 different colors in 2 days, pierce my body, and refuse to talk to anyone freak. I’m just one of those BAND freaks… Lol. *speaks with disdain* “One of THEM!”

Back to my point, I’m sick of not being able to to be independant. A license would help that so much, so would a job. But I’m not allowed to get a job. And it’s not even that, it’s that I feel like, oh, how to put it… I feel like I want someone to share so many things with. Don’t get me wrong – I have all of my friends, and I love them dearly. Each gives me something different, but there’s always something missing. (you’re like, just say you want a boyfriend already; wouldn’t that take a lot less space?) Yeah, yeah, I know, but, it’s not just for the sake of having a boyfriend. It’s like it’s not even that… it’s just something MORE.

Well anyway now I’m way of subject. But I’ve just had a lot of alone time lately, so I’m thinking through things.

@~>~>-dreamergrrl