Say It

 I was watching a movie the other night and the main characters were talking. Something that was said has really resonated with me.  I can’t remember the exact quote but the gist was "They say we die twice, once when you take your last breath and then you truly die when the last person who knew you, the very last person, no longer speaks your name. Then you are truly dead."

Some people get uncomfortable when you mention the name of someone who has died. It is almost as if they are afraid that by uttering the name or recalling an experience that was shared is adding to the pain. I feel the exact opposite is true. If you can bring out the memories and embrace the sharp sting of the loss with the sweetness of having known the person it actually helps to heal your heart. The loss of someone important to you causes very real rips and tears so you will have scars. Use them. Trace those healed ridges and lines as you unwrap the memories.  Say their name out loud. Even if you are the only one there to hear it.  Say the name so often that people begin to feel that they "knew" them too.  As long as you can say that name then death, while not defeated, is held at bay for just a bit longer. 

As this Memorial Day approaches I find this even more important.  When I go for my walk through the local cemetery, it is easy to pick out the markers of the members of the armed forces. Some are elaborate with the insignia of the branch of service and the dates are more recent.  Some of them are blackened with age and weather making it difficult to read.  But if you take the time you can almost always make out the name, the birth /death dates, branch of service and sometimes a bit more.  I have seen Korea, WW 1 and 2 as well Vietnam and the Spanish American and Civil War.  I did not know these brave men and women. I never met them but as I walk past I say their names.  I don’t know if it even counts. But I still do it.

I had a friend once who said it was important to never grieve death but to celebrate the life. That is easier said than done when the loss and hurt are personal.   On this Memorial Day I will raise a glass to those who fought and died so that I can LIVE my life. I couldn’t possibly speak each and every name. I can only hope that those who made such a costly sacrifice will recognize the sincerity behind the gesture and that it helps postpone that final leave taking for just a bit longer.