pondering….

-It takes two
-There are two sides to every story
-See things from my side
-walk a mile in my shoes
-listen more than you speak

Did you ever notice that these are "go to" verbalizations by people who already believe they have a firm grasp on the truth? They know what the facts are. They don’t need to listen because they know they are right.

If I am always stepping back to see things from this other point of view, if I am listening without ever giving my position a voice,if I am busy walking that mile knowing in the end that I will just have to walk back home alone why am I bothering? I am more than willing to concede that I am not the most intelligent person in the world (I am rarely the most intelligent person in the ROOM). I can never be accused of being wise. I am self aware. I know my limitations.

I don’t go out of my way to "hurt" people. I may lash out because I am emotional and quick to anger. I am also quick to forgive, or try to be. I don’t like verbal confrontations because they rarely go well for me. I don’t react quickly when I have to express myself verbally. On paper I have time to think my position through and can chose the words that fit best, most of the time. Sometimes that goes South too.

I just feel that when you make overture after overture only to have them rebuffed it is a spirit killer. Part of you just shrinks back because to stand there and offer up your heart again is just risking more pain. Crazy thing is I do it all the time. I keep going back.

If I am supposed to compromise but I am the only one moving then that means ones of two things: I am a perpetual doormat or I have no value whatsoever. It doesn’t look good either way. Granted I am wrong quite often. Okay I am wrong A LOT because I usually go with my heart which means I act based on emotion. Someone could back over me in their car and I would probably end up apologizing for being in the way.

But seriously, I can’t ALWAYS be wrong. The law of averages has to work in my favor at some point. I am not even asking for a "I was WRONG" but would a "I’m sorry I hurt you" be too much to ask? It was just a thought…….