missed opportunity

Like everything else in this life, growing up is in done in steps. It is an ongoing process that occurs at an agonizingly slow pace. A little one looks up into your eyes and gradually they begin to recognize your voice, your face and one day that innocent little expression changes in the blink of an eye as a smile appears and then just as suddenly is gone again. The child learns that the faces that are the most familiar react favorably to that goofy grin so it becomes a frequent visitor.
Then things pick up speed as movement becomes a challenge to be conquered. Rolling over, rocking back and forth and finally crawling are usually met with exclaims of delight and sometimes applause. These large humans are easily pleased. Once this forward momentum is mastered it is onward and upward. Those first halting and wobbly steps are observed by an audience that holds its collective breath. They seem to sway back and forth until something happens, whether a diaper clad backside connects with the carpet or this little crowd pleaser actually manages a step.
Once walking is achieved there is a period of exploring and pushing boundaries. Furniture is moved to reach a desired object. "NO" becomes the most frequent word exchanged by everyone involved. That negative is definitely a challenge. While the adults are busy saying "NO" the child pushes limits obviously but they are also master mimics. They watch us. How do we solve problems? What is important to us? How do we speak to each other?
Then there comes a day when "I just want to ask one more question" makes you want to pull your hair out by the roots. What we fail to realize is that by either ignoring the incessant questions or by brushing them aside we are giving the clear message that the child is an annoyance.
This child admires the people that are close to them in positions of authority, whether they deserve it or not. They want to walk, talk like us and generally "be" us. They learn how by talking to us. "Am I doing this right?" might not be the words they use. You might hear, "I did this. I thought about doing this….What do you think?" DO NOT DISMISS THIS.
Every single human on this planet needs approval. They will go to great lengths to get it. If you don’t give it to them rest assured someone else will. When I hear a child excitedly approach their parent with whatever is important to them at that moment and be rebuffed, I feel my heart crack right down the center. I can stand there and watch that opportunity fly right out the window. It may or may not come back at some point but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
There is a point, unless you are extremely careful, when your child will not care what your opinion is on anything. They will not change the expression on their face to please you. They will not stop to say "Pass the remote" so you can forget heartfelt conversations. The saddest part of it all is that there is no one to blame but YOU.
I am putting this on paper because I need to "hear" it myself. It does not matter if your child is interested in bugs or baseball or Barbie. It is lovely if you can share a common interest but it is not imperative. This little human being changes with every day so just for today, chase a baseball or play dress-up with Barbie. Let them see by your actions that they have value. It is a LOT less painful to crawl around chasing bugs talking about the kid that brings "gross" stuff for lunch or the little girl that smells "funny" than it is to find out that your child would rather talk to ANYONE but YOU.
So when you hear, "Is the way YOU do…..?" or "Now I did this. Should I do……next?" SMILE and answer. I promise that you won’t regret it. Oh and cherish those little toothless smiles and wobbly steps because the heartaches they are a comin’.