a nice in between please

Life really is an endless series of peaks and valleys. I think the straight bits are just to give us a chance to catch our breath. I would say that they were to lull us into a false sense of security but that would make me sound awfully cynical. 
Michael has arrived at the base and is now waiting to be placed with a platoon. Receiving is never fun but then again it’s not supposed to be. He has phoned to let us know he was alright and that he missed us. I got a text message from him fairly soon after he left here. "I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I miss you. You have always been there for me. I hope I am making you proud cause this SUCKS." That still makes me smile.
When I think of him I don’t see the good looking, charming but somewhat cocky young man that he is now. I see the sweet little angel with silky light brown curls and dancing blue eyes. I also see the ready smile and the twinkle in his eye that gave me fair warning that he was definitely up to something. In my heart he is perpetually three years old. When I heard his voice on the phone my heart ached because that  is the way he sounded, like a little boy that missed his mom. I just hope that one day he understands just how much I love him and that he makes me proud without even trying.
Lauren took a road trip this weekend. She went with a friend and the friend’s mom and another adult. They took Lauren’s car and Lauren did ALL the driving. I don’t recommend driving to Panama City and back in two days, then again no one asked me. They cast Lauren in the role of "chaperone" knowing that she was responsible and would not be drinking. That is a LOT of responsibility for a twenty year old. She got about five hours sleep during the two days and put in about sixteen hours behind the wheel. I am very proud of her. She got a little more sun than she wanted and is just the tiniest bit cranky but that is to be expected. It was a learning experience for her. She now knows that she prefers going on road trips where she can share the "adult stuff" with other people. She phoned and said she really appreciated her daddy and the way he held all of us to a schedule while we were traveling so that the whole trip wasn’t wasted on the road. She also admitted that she just "missed her mama" a LOT. I told her you never really know someone until you are trapped in a car with them for a few days. They mentioned skiing and Lauren said, "NOPE". They tried to shame her into it because "she would be missing out on a lot of life experience if she doesn’t  go". She is sticking to her guns. She said she has more fun with her family. I am just glad she did it but more so than she is home safe.
The last week or so has been difficult. I think I was already on emotional overload. Several weeks ago there was a fight in our neighborhood, between two girls of all things! The fight started on the phone with nasty taunting texts flying back and forth and ended with the two girls meeting in MY driveway.  The sad part is that one of the girls had an adult with her (an older sister I believe). Sam and a bunch of other kids were there too. When all was said and done one of the girls (who happens to be the daughter of my parent’s neighbor) had a chipped tooth and a few cracked ribs I believe. I am not sure how the other girl fared. The result was that the police were called, charges were filed and a LOT of things were said that did not help the situation. The police took Sam’s statement. I thought this would be the end of it. Life is never that easy. The other day Sam handed me the phone and said a lawyer wanted to talk to me. After the conversation I phoned my husband at work. I was absolutely LIVID that an attorney would speak to my 13 year old child without my being present. When my husband spoke to him the man was apologetic and said he wasn’t actually expecting to reach Sam but when he did that he just "started talking to him". I don’t care! This man spent how much on law school? You do NOT talk to a child without their parent’s permission EVER. He wants Sam to give a deposition. "We can get a subpoena if need be" to which we responded, "You do that". The day of the fight my husband called the father of the girl that lives near mama. He explained that Sam said his daughter had "thrown the first punch". The man said he understood and that he only wanted Sam to "tell the truth". Well after their "sit down" with attorneys from both sides Sam received a call asking him to "come down and visit". I thought nothing of it. When he came home a short time later he was pale and shaking. It seems that this "friend" (that was a pall bearer at daddy’s funeral!) had waylaid Sam and basically called him a liar and tried to not so subtly pressure him into changing his statement. I was so mad I couldn’t see straight. This man has known Sam since he was born and has always professed to care about our whole family. I know that Sam was confused and scared and felt absolutely betrayed. We sat him down and told him that he has to "tell the truth as he knows it to be" and we’ll let the chips fall where they may. He is not responsible for what the girls did. I also pointed out that eye witness statements always vary widely. Ten people will give different accounts of the exact same situation. If other people are changing their statements that just doesn’t mean HE has to. It doesn’t matter if one person is a friend and the other an enemy, the truth is the truth. No one else is getting a shot at my kids. Until this is over we are screening phone calls and they aren’t going to "visit" anyone without us.
I have been doing a lot of yard work. I asked for help. I asked. My clothes are soaking wet and I am staggering from exhaustion. I look up and see the three remaining "men" in my house standing in the driveway with their hands in their pockets, discussing the work that needs to be done. I took the remaining wheelbarrow load of clippings and vines to the woods and then parked it by the deck. I went inside and took a shower. I think I am DONE. I think I realized in that moment that I am alone. Some of my fondest memories are of working in the yard with my daddy. Even if he could only sit on a stump holding his crutches he wouldn’t leave me. The company alone was worth everything. But when he was able the man was a work horse. I miss having someone I could run to for help if I needed it. More than that I miss knowing that if I look up with sweat dripping down my face, that I would see him there working right beside me. The yard is a very lonely place now.
Rick phoned this morning and told us that Kaylee’s "step-mom" had emailed him asking for his number. It seems that Kaylee has been asking for her "Wicky". They wanted to know if he objected to her phoning him!! Maybe, just maybe we haven’t lost her permanently.
My brain feels like oatmeal at the moment. I’m not even sure this is borderline coherent. My apologies if it isn’t. I am just empty. I am still looking for a cave on a mountainside somewhere. The valleys are not peaceful and the hills are just too exhausting.