Nerves

Maybe we take off on Monday.

I was sitting there below her, leaning against the side of the sofa that she was laying on. She had a warm wool blanket wrapped tightly around her, a pink one that I picked up off the ground of her room. Theres always been a time and place for a blanket, and I’ve seemed to always have a good idea when that time was. Its that moment right after dinner, when our conversations tend to get deep and its the most comfortable moment of the day, because all we both want to do is relax.

Occasionally she’ll pull out a cigarette.

I used to tell her how bad they were for her. I didn’t want her to die before me. I still can’t imagine my life without her, but when I was walking down the old road that I’ve taken so many times before. I started to realize that what I was looking for wasn’t that idealistic relationship that we once had so many years ago… I wasn’t sure what I was looking for her. The only thing that seemed important was that she was happy or at least okay.

She deserves that… But don’t we all deserve to be okay? I believe so, much more than I believe in many things.

When shes down or having a tough week, I’ll bring her flowers to work. People will ask her who she received them from and she will make up random stories that we’d laugh about later, if she could remember half of them. All our life, nobody has needed to know. And even if we could explain, we wouldn’t have the right words.

How did we meet? Nobody needs to know.

She’s been thinking a lot. She told me things that I don’t think shes ever told to anyone else. I’ll work hard to give her such a simple request, I request that she didn’t even ask of me. Isn’t it all significant? I give up my past as often as I can. Try to live in the present and don’t contemplate in the futer. Those are the roads I’ve tried my hardest to take and when I’m with her… Those are the roads I like to stay on.

It’s gotten late and now we have to go home.