Assorted Details

Its been stressful as of late and I haven’t been dealing with it as well as I usually do. Nights where I can’t sleep and I toss and turn for hours on end, only to wake up feeling deprived of energy of any extent. The only thing that keeps me going are these cheap beverages that I’m sure one day will kill me, the warning labels say you shouldn’t drink more than 1 a day, but I’ve been drinking a lot of things along with a few caffeine pills just to feel half alive, half awake… Just to feel something, because when I’m tired I don’t feel anything but a gentle numbness.

I want so badly to believe that all that I’m doing is leading towards something. A destination, a specific goal. A path leading to somewhere better. But forcing myself to believe in this invisible goal with an unknown destination leaves me drawn out, tired, and feeling isolated.

But I do find comfort after a long day. A simple phone call at 7:03 PM that I received from my caller I.D. The only call I’ve received in over two months from someone that I love. Even after I’ve given my heart away to so many others that I love, even after I’ve gone out of my way to do everything within my reach to help so many people. Hers was the only call that I received that just wanted to know how I was doing. That just wanted to hear about my day.

Hers was the only call that ever mattered to me.