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 After tonight and thinking about everything, nothing shiny and like you thought it might be,

 

Its 5.27 am as am writing this and I am supposed to be in the office before 7:45 this morning.   

 

I am scared little dumbass.   

 

I am tired of myself, 

I am tired of having to deal with myself,

I dont like myself

I suck at what I do

Im pathetic’

 

 

For as much as I think I do have, I know I really dont,  not atleast what really matters,

 

 

I dont honestly think it was be any different.   

 

I wish I could smile like it doesnt matter,  

Like I shouldnt be thinking right then

 

Why take down a wall for that?

 

why risk getting another organ ripped out again?

 

Money cant buy it,

 

 

I dont think I could handle it, not like that.    I would rather end thing