Another Sleepless Night

When I heard the news yesterday afternoon that baby Marc’s temp has gone down, he was already sweating and he was playing, then his temp was normal in the evening, I felt relieved. Finally, my baby will be okay. I said thanks too early. Because when I went home at 2am, he has 38.02 deg C again and he couldn’t sleep peacefully. He didn’t want to be put down on the bed, so I kept carrying him. When I tried to lie down to sleep as well, he would wake up and cry. Finally, at around 4am, I was able to lie down without him getting angry at me. But I still couldn’t sleep. He would wake up every now and then, irritable, or just cry without actually crying.. I think it was more like whining…? 

How I wish I could pinpoint what is ailing him, so I could do something about it.

Is this how being a mother requires of me?

I need my sleep, but my baby needs me more.

Unfortunately, I still have to work until Friday. Next week is my scheduled tonsillectomy and I can’t afford to be absent before my 2-week leave. Because my 2-week leave is already unpaid (no more leave credits for me…) and if I don’t come to work this week, my deductions will increase. 🙁

Oh, what to do? It hurts me so to leave my baby at this time…

Although, he was already playing when I left him, and the babysitter said he already ate something solid this afternoon, even ate biscuits for snack. So I really hope he’s okay tonight. So I can also rest and finally sleep.

it’s me,

figliarina lacrimosa