Response to a Fave’s Question

This is a response to a question from one of my faves regarding her toxic relationship, so it may not all make sense lol.  To my fave, your last entry indicated you were done with him and this entry was written before that entry, but I wanted to post it anyway.

Good luck girl, I hope you realize that you deserve better and can work through your addiction.

If I was your guy, and I truly loved you, there would be no question about it. I would be there for you when you needed me, every time.  I would listen to you when you told me you were upset, instead of ignoring you.  I would CARE if you slept with someone else, because I would want you only to myself.  I would never let you question whether or not we were a good fit, because the relationship would be steadily happy instead of having drastic ups and downs.  And I would never manipulate you (which is what he is doing when he ignores you and you pine over him).

All that being said, the important question at hand is "is this a good relationship, and does he really love you?"

And the answer is simply no.

He wants what he wants, when he wants it.  If you are out of line with what he wants then he gets upset.  You bend and flex to his needs, and don’t ever think about what you deserve.  And on top of that your judgement is skewed because you’re out there getting wasted all the time, not only on alcohol but on blow and weed too.  I can tell you from experience that being  on blow will skew your thinking big time.  Drugs aside, if this was a healthy relationship you wouldn’t be adjusting everything you do just in order to be with him.

A true relationship is a give and take.  On BOTH sides.  Not a give from one person and a take from another.

I know how a relationship can be addictive because I’ve been in one so similar to yours it’s creepy.  I know that when it’s good it’s like a fix.  And I know when it’s bad it’s like a fucking nightmare.

All I can say is that your man is manipulating you.  He keeps you around, because you serve a purpose.  You give him what he needs – a warm body that will do whatever he wants it to do.  When he needs attention and can’t get it elsewhere, he gets it from you.  When he needs a blowjob he gets it from you.  When he needs someone to keep him company because he doesn’t want to be alone, and wants to be with someone he can easily control, he spends time with you.

He may tell you he loves you, and he may even think it.  But he doesn’t.  He gets something from you, and you get something from him.  Plain and simple.  And it’s so fucking sad because you deserve so much more.  But you’re young and yourer addicted, and you just don’t see it yet.  But I hope one day you do.

You could have a relationship that is healthy, where you don’t have to worry if your man is going to call or not.  One where you don’t have to worry about whether or not your man is mad at you because you haven’t don’t anything wrong, and you know he wouldn’t get mad at you for some stupid reason.  One where your man just does sweet things for you, for no reason.  And one where the only thing your man lives for is making you happy.

And I can speak from experience on both sides of the fence.  I have been where you are, and am now in a good relationship.  And I have to say, the relationship I talked aboout in the last paragraph above?  Sooooooo much better.

I really do hope you figure all of this out one day.