Just Breathe.

These were on my desk when I got back from lunch today:

First of all I just have to say that I have the best Dad in the world.  Every year he sends me flowers on Valentine’s Day.  I always know they are coming but every time I get them it brightens my day and makes me smile.  I am so fortunate to have such an amazing family and such a great Dad 🙂

Let’s see.  This weekend.  Friday night Travis and I got to attend a surprise 5-year-anniversary party for our sales guy.  He was SO surprised when he walked in the door – his face was just priceless.  His wife told him that she had a company party of her own to take him to, which was the perfect cover story, and he had NO idea that we were actually planning a party for him.

We went to this amazing steakhouse in downtown Austin.  I’ve been wanting to try it for years, and let me tell you it lived up to the hype.  We had Ahi tuna and crabcakes for appetizers, some great homemade bread, and I got the bone-in filet with mashed potatoes and snap peas.  Then they came around with sides – creamed corn, asparagus, tomatoes and green onions, crab legs and onion rings.  It was all delicious.

Oh!  And I got to wear this super cute dress I bought at Kohl’s.  Everyone complemented me on it, and it’s great because I can wear it to work as well.  I’ve never had a dress quite like it and I love it. 

So. Other than the festivities, I was in sort of a mood.  Travis and I got up so a coworker could take a picture and I wanted a full body shot.  So I kept telling him to move back and he wouldn’t.  So I ended up getting a little snarky and pushing him back a little to where I wanted us to be standing.  After thinking about it realized I was being a real twat and I apologized as soon as we sat down.  Hopefully no one really took notice of what happened, because frankly I’m a bit embarrassed about it.

Anyway, we were the first to leave, as neither of us is big on small talk after a company party.  I have this thing about keeping my work life and private life separate and think that has something to do with it.  Plus, I’m just not a big small-talker.  I enjoy everyone I work with, and am always down for a girls happy hour with the ladies from work but when it’s everyone in a social setting I’m usually ready to leave once everyone is done eating. 

On the way home I apologized to Travis.  I said “I know I’ve been overly critical the last couple of weeks and I just want you to know that I’m really sorry and I realize what I’m doing.  I don’t know if it’s the stress of school and work and my schedule being busy but I don’t want to be like that and just wanted you to know that I realize when I do it and that I apologize.”

Of course, he understood, and told me it was no big deal.  His ex was a BIG bitch and he told me like he has before that anything I have ever dished out is not even an iota of what he had to deal with in the past day in and day out.  I appreciate that, but I still don’t want to be overly-critical and snappy with him.  I got to be like that with my ex, and the reason with him was that he just wasn’t all that intelligent and I would get frustrated with him.  But Travis is NOT stupid, and is much more adept than I am in many areas so there is no reason for me to be like that.

I think it’s just stress.  And I have taken it out on him.  Getting irritated at little things, correcting him, shit like that.  And it’s annoying to me when I do that.  But for the last couple of weeks it seems like I can’t control my irritation.  Maybe it’s PMS too.  Who knows.  But I really do think that a lot of it is just stress.<span style="mso-

spacerun: yes”>  I’ve been working my ass off at work, working my ass off at school and now working my ass of at the gym.  My schedule has been hectic and I haven’t had any time to just chill.

Now.  Don’t get me wrong.  This is all self-inflicted lol.  I take all of this on myself and sometimes I worry that I’ll end up as one of those people who just goes goes goes and can’t relax.  But at least I am aware of this and hopefully my self-awareness can prevent that from happening.  Sometimes I just need to step back and smell the roses, so to speak. 

And maybe Travis can help in that also.  He knows how I am and he knows that sometimes I just have too much on my plate.  Maybe I need to talk to him about making sure I slow down sometimes.  I don’t know how he can help with that, since normally I just have to do whatever it is…

Hm.

I’m not very good at figuring out how to relax sometimes. Lol. 

Annnnyway.  Back to work for me.  I hope everyone is having a great Valentine’s Day!

R