just breathe…

i went to visit my friend in wisconsin last week.  it was a nice trip.  i can’t stand staying at her house though.  its filthy.  there is animal hair everywhere and it reeks of cat urine because the cat pisses by the door.  there is junk all over the place.  you have to step around stuff and climb over things to get around.  and, their backyard is full of dog shit.  the only place to go out there is the chairs by the firepit, which luckily, aren’t too far from the door so you don’t have to avoid the dog piles.  even their washing machine is nasty.  its also full of hair and dirt and grime.  its one of those front loader ones so when you open the door after the cycle, you can see the hair and nastiness that got between the door and the cylinder.  i’m not going back next year.  its about time she sets aside money to come back and visit me.  i’m tired of spending my vacation money on a place that doesn’t have a beach or anything fun and interesting to do.  we did do a few things, the zoo, casino, went to the melting pot, but that was it.  i want a REAL vacation and as long as i’m spending money to fly there, i’m never going to get one. 

on a happier note, i heard from kevin EVERY DAY of my vacation!  he was also on vacation, a real one, at the beach with his kids and family.  i think it was his parents and his sister and her kids.  i’m not sure if his brother went or not.  he texted me after i got off the plane to see if i had landed, then sent me a dirty pic lol.  we checked in with each other daily and it was nice!  he texted first most of the week and it made me think that he was thinking about me 🙂  i do have it in the back of my mind that he is talking to other girls still.  what if he sent them those same dirty pics?  what if, when he wasn’t texting me, he was texting them??  i’m sure he was busy with the kids full time and all, but those thoughts were still in the back of my mind.  HOWEVER, i texted him yesterday and asked him if we were hanging out this week and he reponded "yes!  wed. sound good?" that little bit of enthusiasm helped 🙂  i just don’t want him to see me as a booty call.  i want him to see me as a potential girlfriend/wife.  i just don’t know how to help that along.  i know that i’m more patient now and i ‘m not pushing and jumping to conclusions as quickly as i once was.  i just keep telling myself (and i wrote it down on a notepad near the computer so i can read it everyday), If its worth having, its worth waiting for.  He is so worth having, so I’ll wait patiently.

randomly last night, i was looking up churches in my area.  i’ve never been a church goer.  my family never went, but i’ve been a few times with friends.  but, something was calling to me last night to look up churches i might like.  and i found one not too far from my house.  its non-denominational and seems to be pretty relaxed and has the same beliefs i have.  i want to see if kevin is willing to take me to his church. i know its important to him, and i want to see what his church is like.  i never thought i’d be a church goer, but i think it will help with the patience thing.  i’ll need a church buddy to check out the one near my house.  im too nervous to go alone until i know what its like.  but, i’m kinda excited about checking it out.