its fucking with my head!

geez OD, you picked the perfect time to be down!  i needed to get stuff out and get some advice from the awesome people here!  hope i can remember it all.  here goes…

soooooo….old new guy has come over 3 times.  the first and second time i invited him over for dinner.  the first time, as i wrote about before, was slightly awkward, but ended on a positive note.  the second time, i made a "real" dinner.  pork tenderloin with a mushroom sauce, egg noodles, and peas.  it was delicious and he loved it.  he brought over a movie and we watched that after dinner.  this time, he had his elbow/forearm area on my knee/leg all throughout the movie.  oh, and he kissed me when he walked in (which is what he did when we were seeing each other this summer).  at the end of the night, he asked if i wanted him to hang out a bit more.  i thought about it and i really, really wanted him to stay, but i said no, i had to work in the morning.  i said if i didn’t have to work i would love him to stay.  he understood, but i could tell he was sad/mad/upset/something.  when we went outside to smoke a cigarette, he mentioned it again.  i asked about his dog and he said he was willing to clean up any mess and he has stayed at my place overnight before.  i still said no.  i was proud of myself.  the next day, i emailed him and said thanks for coming over and when he gets back from his trip out west, i’ll let him know what is on the menu that week (he had mentioned that he was going to miss getting fed so well while he was away).  he wrote back and said that i’m great cook and company and he can’t wait to get back then.  gave me warm fuzzies 🙂

anyway, that was last wednesday.  when he left, i was under the impression we would not see each other again unti he came back from his work trip (shortly after halloween).  sunday evening, he posted something on facebook that said that he decided he is going to spend more time with people that want to spend more time with him, even if it hurts him.  he then commented on it saying that he is sick of people judging him.  i "liked" it since i am one of those people that doesn’t judge him (at least to his face) and wants to spend more time with him.  a few hours later, he texted me and said "i’m going out of town this week.  wanna have me over tomorrow night?"  i replied sure.  the next morning, he texted asking what time he should come over, should he bring a movie, etc.  i said our usual time and a movie is fine.  he asked later if he should eat first.  i told him he could if he wanted too, but i was making soup and he was welcome to join me if he wanted.  so, he came over again and basically the same thing happened.  he touched my leg somehow the whole time, no matter what position i was in.  i eventually tucked my feet under his legs since they were cold.  we joked around and had a really  nice time.  he didn’t ask to stay this time (he had a lot to take care of the next day before he left for his trip).  i went to bed happy.

Pros:  he initiated the hang out before he left.  he touched me the whole time.  we joked.  he kissed me.  he has made noises that he wants to stay.  he wants to hang out again when he gets back.  he told me to text or call him anytime while he is away.

Cons:  I’m feeling jealous of this girl, Erica.  She is watching his dog (she lives about 2-3 hours away).  He had to take his dog up there and he spent the night there.  on FB they talked about how they had a good time hanging out and a great morning.  He refers to her as his friend, so i’m not entirely sure what is going on there.  He still hasn’t asked me out on a date-date.  I know he is broke, and worried about money, so i’m almost positive that if that was not the case, he would ask me to dinner.  i don’t know who he slept with/fooled around with while we didn’t talk. 

i really like him and i want this to go somewhere.  i know i need patience and i need to look at the pros.  i also know that jealousy never got anyone anywhere.  i just want some reassurance things are going in a good direction!!!!!!!