Why bother?

I’m not having a good day at all.   I have been down pretty much all day.  And frankly there is no point of talking about it to anyone.  Everyone really gets tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.  Because basically it is the same complaint all the time.  Chris and I are arguing again.  And of course, it always manages to be my fault.  No matter what it is..it’s always my fault.  I called him and told him I was gonna go stay at my gma’s because I didn’t want to see him.  He asked me why and I told him because I know you are gonna come home drunk and tell me how much of a loser I am.  He said no I won’t.  So I’m home.  I bet something comes up.   No matter what I do I’m always trying to make things perfect and everytime I do…I end up failing.  I make sure I make everyone happy.  But to be honest with you..does anyone make sure that I’m happy  Not really. 

If anyone knows me they know I would do anything for anyone first.  I will put everyone before me.  It is just how I am.  I believe it is because of my gma.  I’m taking after her more and more.  I never ask for anything either. And even when something is really bothering me….I never say anything to anyone.  What the point?  Do I think things are gonna change….no.   I don’t think people even notice.

What is gonna take for people to realize that I’m here?  And that I need help, support, etc?  Does any of this make any sense?