BBe

November 9, 2003

11/10/03

What do you call it when you want to write something, but you don’t know what to say? Or when you write something, and when you re-read it you don’t like what you wrote, and erasebackspace until the whole thing is gone and then you walk away, thinking that tomorrow you’ll try again? Lately I’ve been giving up way too soon, and way too often. My thoughts are scattered as the dried up leaves in my yard. I’d like to write that I have a lot to say….. but I don’t. Maybe winter apathy has set in earlier this year. You’d think that after this long of a hiatus I’d be brimming with news. You’d think. 🙂 I can still smile, so all is not lost.

I use my humor wisely, and often. Hmmm… I wonder if I should backspace and erase the “use” in reference to my humor. One could surmise that it is a tool, rather than a genuine state of mind. I guess you could say it IS a tool. But it feels genuine. Well then I guess it could be both. I think I just had a deep thought. Ouch.

Truth is, I’ve been thinking a lot about Kevin. I want to write a letter to him – tell him that I miss him, ask him lots of questions about what it’s like on the other side, cry on his shoulder and wait patiently for his answers. Did I say I miss him? Yeah.

Minutes ago….. my youngest son called. I blew him off. On purpose. Last weekend I called him thinking we’d have a nice talk, and he was abrupt with me to the point of being rude, and for no other reason (that I know of) than he was watching a football game. I hung up feeling hurt. We’ve talked since then, (not about that) but tonight when he called to tell me about something I didn’t respond quick enough I guess. He said he guessed I wasn’t interested and we could talk another time. Fine. Ok.

Maybe when he comes home next time we can talk about it. I’m amazed that for someone with a communication major and a keen interest in sociology that we have such a problem communicating as much as we do. There are times that I so enjoy just sitting on the couch talking with him for extended periods of time about anything and everything. The last time he was home we discussed the pros and cons of living together before marriage. Me pro, he (and the textbook) con. As we were talking, I kept thinking to myself that I wished we could stay up all night talking like this.

Now my mind drifts back to when the boys were very young…… and I forget that I’m making a diary entry. This must be a good place to stop for tonight. </</</P

Linda Kay

November 10, 2003

Hugs,

me too and I do, write a letter that is, miss him and still cry daily. I hope you have a chance to talk to your son and get things ironed out. -Lori

Did something happen to my eyes or is your entry now entirely in Wingdings? RYN: Yeah, life.

Willy & Wilma

{{{{{{{BBe}}}}}}}

Elle: 2

November 11, 2003

You are only temporarily blocked…once you two talk things will be better…just really talk to him…I hate it when things are like this…and oh yes, for the days when they were little boys again ! Hugs & Smiles to you……

P.S. GLAD TO SEE YOU HERE AGAIN ! ! ! SMILES…….

It’s nice to remember back when they were our little boys. ~~**smile**~~ RYN: Maybe angels can be mistaken for demons since their first words to people in the Bible was always, “Do not be afraid.”

ThomaS

So good to see you back here. I know the feeling about not being able to communicate with the children and hope my problems come to an early end.

Kate

November 12, 2003

Hey. Is this where I find you? I miss you. I know now.

Looks like we’ve been in a similar place. Those first two paragraphs had me nodding my head in understanding. I hope you and your son get back to a good place asap. Life is too fragile to assume we’ll have another time. (she says while holding on tightly to her own grudges and hurts). 🙁 Here’s to our sense of humor! I think I’d jump into the bay if I couldn’t laugh.

(that was me, Katherine, not signed in)

Wasn’t aware that you had returned to your old friends on FREE O.D. (or are you on both now?}. What I do sometimes when I run out of material I just go back a couple of years and find a few things worth repeating. Still write a poem or two now and then but that’s about it for my originality. (How do you like that word?)

Life's Snakes and Ladders

November 13, 2003

i hope u and ur son do sort things out soon. ryn; my fondest memories..ive been thinking bout tht and i still am, nothing is comng to mind tht when u think of it it makes u smile, mm, ill keep thinking. hope ur well

November 14, 2003

ryn; if u dont mind then i’ll take u up on tht statement thing. thnku. can i talk to my mates bout it..im not to sure at the moment, ill try prob when we go bk to sch on mon. thnk u xx

Jeanne

November 17, 2003

Similar happenings in my world. ((Bbe))

ryn; family..it sounds stupid but nothing really springs to mind, and i know my childhood wasnt bad. i guess most memorable moments are christmas’s at my ‘dads’ parents house when all the family’s there and all 20 something of us sit round a huge pile of presants waiting to open them. ive been trying to think of a really happy moment but cant think of anything, so wrong of me to do tht

~Katherine

December 15, 2003

Well, I guess I’m senile because I not only read this entry but even left a note. I wonder who will take me to the home when I forget my name? Who is Kevin? I know I used to read a diary by Kevin that I can’t find now. Please let me know….??? Hugzzz, P.

ryn: Thanks for telling me where to find Kevin’s diary. I’d forgot it was under Kev. I was sorta expecting to read the sad news but it still was hard to actually see the words. I hope he is finally at peace. P. nsi at Katherine’s stupid Cat

wanderlust (2)

January 12, 2004

It’s wonderful to see you writing here again. I get in a writing funk occasionally too, but usually when I’m quiet here it’s because too much is going on in life. I love having adult conversations with our children. I hope you & your sons have many more warm banterings. Have a terrific week.