11/19/2011

God I suck at journaling.

I don’t know what all there is to talk about.

I finished my third bazaar today… and it was the only good one so far.

I went to DuPont and had a great time… the people were nice, and the customers were nice and money was spent which makes me nice.  Although, I sold a couple pieces that made me a sad panda.  I’ll have to make more of them later.. the copper euro 4:1 necklace sold today.

My Nanowrimo is dead.  >.< There’s not much else to say there… I just haven’t had time for writing at all, been too busy with my chain maile.

God, that’s sad.

What’s going on with the other parts of my life?

Court and I are… I don’t know… we’re like usual… not touching, not talking, living two different lives except for the fact that we’re living in the same place and are “together”.  I don’t know what to say about it… he’s doing better, I’m doing better at expressing my needs, but unless I directly express that I want us time, or that I want to be touched or anything, he ignores me.  There’s a part of me that thinks that it’s not right, but I don’t know… ::shakes her head:: I just… don’t know.

I’m going to All Freakin’ Night tonight.  I wish that Ben could come with me so I could talk with him about everything, but he’s not going to make the drive down here.  I told him that he’ll have to come next year, when I have a place for him to crash.

I just feel so damned dead inside that it’s not funny.  I put up with the lack of touch and the lack of intimacy and the lack of everything because I have to, and because it’s easier than rocking the boat.  Plus, I’m used to it… the ex was the same way.  Maybe I just, don’t deserve to be traditionally “happy” in a relationship.  ::shakes her head:: I don’t know.