Said it ….WOW! I actually said it to another per

Said it . Didn’t want to say it , didn’t mean to say it , But I friggin said it. Boy Howdy I said it I tell you. Wasn’t even hard, my mouth didn’t feel bent out of shape, lips didn’t feel funny. I just said it like I had said the word as often as I use cus words ( ALOT **nods**  ALOT ). Didn‘t really know I was going to say it in all honestly, It just sort of  poped out during the conversation. Awkwardly long pause after I said it. Hate the long pause. ( Was probably a millisecond, but it lasted a week in my ears. )

" The pause" or just " Pause" as it’s also known. Was caused by Yours Truely  Admitting to her that I was lonely. Her is someone that I have never mentioned in here. She is one of the people that is best if I don’ think about. It’s nothing bad, She’s the one…Ok maybe not " The One" but she’s pretty damm close to my dream girl. Only problem is that she lives about 7 hours away and our jobs keep us where we are. It would  be destined to fail, no matter how good it would be at the start. It would fail. Not normally either, it would fail slowly…Thats worse. Well for me anyway. I think she looks at me the same way sort of. When we talk hours skip by. You think you’ve been on the phone for about 45 minutes and you find out that it’s been 3 hours.

So I told her that I was lonely. Once again I did not plan on telling her this tib bit of information when I first heard her voice on the phone the other night.  Sometimes my mind takes over and I have absolutly no control over what it says or does. It is an entity unto itself ….Or something like that. As soon as the pause happened I knew one thing for sure. The word lonely would be bouncing around in my head for a few days …Ture to form it’s a few days later. Yes I said it. Oh " lonely" your a bad word for a single guy in his 30’s Your only a few stages away from desparation….If I get desparate, I’m going to need one of you out there to take me out …Nothing brutally violent though…Oh I got it ! " Whack" me like I’m a mobster. Pick me up in your cousin Vito’s cadilac.

ME: "Hey nice ride! "  "When did you get the caddy?"

YOU: " Oh this ain’t my car, It’s my cousin Vito’s."

ME: " Hey you brought Bruno with you. " " If I didn;t know any better i’d ask if you’s guys was gonna whack me."  ( losts of laughs and " get out of here’s " )

YOU : " hey Bruno? Did’ja hear what this wise guy just says to me?"  " He ask’d if we was gonna whack him"  ( more laughs and " get out of here’s" )

YOU: " I’m going to go drop it off at Vito’s , figured you and Bruno might like to go for a ride." " why don’t you sit in the front seat."

ME: " Whoo hoo shotgun and I didn’t even have to call it !"

Bruno puts a round into the back of my head sometime later …Just take me to Hooters or a strip club first …it’s all I ask.

Odd thing about this whole thing…besides the strange murder plot I seemed to have planned for myself is that I’m not that lonely. Seriously, If I need to be around people. I go out. I’ve lived with people, I prefer it alone…So much easier for naked wednesdays, the only plans you have to make is to take your clothes off ( and turn up the heat for those in colder climates ). I have a variety of friends who fill most of my social network needs. But the house of cards falls when She is in the picture. I only feel lonely when I talk to her… Hmmm?…. I’m a blonde. Thats what I should have said to her " I only feel lonely when I talk to her."  Holy crap thats smooth on a whole new level for me …Thats nothing like my usual routine. Normal me is all cooky sex jokes and swear words…that shit i just said was silky. See what I mean about my mind doing what it wants!…Scary eh?

Later fockers