The Un-Shocking AH HA!

So friday night after work me and 2 other guys i work with went out for some wings and beer at a sports bar near our shop…we hang out there frequently when were on the afternon shift. Was just supposed to be a quick beer and something to eat , then we were all heading home. We all had plans for the next day so it wouldn’t be smart on our part to get into a party. We got into a party. It started out really simple…shoot a few games of pool while eating and maybe another drink. Second drink comes and one of the guys says that we have to stay for one more so that he can buy a round. Third round comes and guy who bought the first round orders a round of shots. Shots arrive and I order another round of pints.

At this point we have been at the bar for about an hour and a half ….then again maybe not even that long.

Consumption to this point

2.5 pounds of chicken wings ( med )

8 pints of Rickerds Red

4 pints of Alexander Kieths

3 shots of Crown Royal

I was in the middle of telling my friends about this guy who i used to work with. He was going to build his own garage completely by himself so that he could save money. I remember him telling us one day that electrical is the easy part…just hook red to red and black to black …it’s just a bunch of wires. So budy wires the garage up by himself and decided that instead of calling the hydro company to come and inspect it first he turns the power on….I can only imagine the fireworks show that went on ….can almost smell the ozone burning. the garage caught on fire and since he was building an attached garage, his house caught on fire. but dont worry knowone else was home, his wife and kids were out someplace…they are devorced now. happened right after the fire actually…seems his wife didn;t like the idea of him saving his hockey / baseball equipment and whatever of his clothing he could stuff into the hockey bag. while not getting anything for his wife or kids to wear…oh yeah…i forgot to mention that this idiot lives way out in the county with hardly any neighbors…and he forgot to call the fire department…Someone else seen the smoke and called but by then it was too late…burnt the place to the ground. His insurance didn’t cover any of it because everything he did was illegal. The hydro company fined his ass for tampering with thier lines. His wife won a huge settlement off him…but he still plays hockey and baseball in his own equipment.

And then i seen them ….women…single women. I wsn;t sure if they were single or not actually at first sight but i didn;t care. i was looking at them like a dog looks at a big chunk of steak … a drunk dog …who’s hungry .

One of them looked over and we sort of looked at each other for a bit …was too far away to actually see if we made eye contact but we seen each other. i turn back to my friends and and start to finish the story . were all laughing our asses off  and not one of us could sink a pool ball to save our lives. One of the guys tells me that theh blonde is checking me out …So i look over and there she is looking at me …hehehe love catching someone looking at me …she looked away but looked back over a few seconds later and gave a little laugh. Once again i couldn’t tell if she was smiling at me or if one of the young kids that were hitting on them said something funny. I suggest that we take out little party to the bar and have a shot . we end up sitting right next to them at the bar …my friends and I are haveing a blast watching these kids hit on them the young kid that was hitting on the blonde ( Mary ) moved and put himeself between Mary and I…i talked right through him. the young’en’s left soon after we moved to the bar. Our party of 3 turned into a party of 5 . We lost count of how many rounds we bought. the 5 turned into 9  and at one point i think the head count at our part of the bar was around 15. I was pretty much only talking to Mary and her friend Cindy. The shots that we were drinking were all "bartenders choice" . After last call One of the guys that i work with and Mary and Cindy took a cab to Cindy’s place. Mary and I stayed outside once we got there and smoked a joint…we made out a little bit…she’s almost the same height as me in her boots …it’s nice kissing without having to bend down. We go in the house and my friend and Cindy are into a debate ( soon to be arguement ) about China …not the dishes the country. things settle down and were all in the living room having a drink and listening to music and talking when i get nosey and start to walk around the room and check things out. knicknacks and pictures and stuff …then i see a bookshelf and head over to take a look…you can tell alot about a person by the things in thier home and books are always a good source of information. Alot of romance type. a few biographys and then i see it ….a little pink oval on the front of one of the books….OPRAH BOOK CLUB MEMBER

"AHHHHH HAAAAAAA ! "  I scream while spinning around and facing my friends ….tapping my finger like mad on the little pink oval …"SEE SEE !!!! "  " It’s right there ! " " SEE! " taptapatptaptaptaptaptap….tap

My friends all stare at me like i’ve completly lost my marbles. Mary just stares blankly at me with her mouth open.

THE UN-SHOCKING AH HA !

the rest of the night was pretty much a blur …I remember thinking to my self that maybe it was just too much of a coincidence that I end up and the house of an Oprah fan. Was i being follwed or are these 2 women the hitman for Oprah’s little army. My friend decided that he had had enough lip from Cindy and left me alone with the 2 girls. I was in the kitchen making a drink when cindy comes in and kisses me and says that she is going to get mary to leave and that she wants me to stay . Ok …i know i know ..i’m a dog and it’s wrong to be hitting on mary all night and end up sleeping with her friend…but like i said I’m hungry for steak …don;t care what kind it is  as long as it’s steak ….Cindy goes into the washroom and i head back into the living room and Mary kisses me and says lets get out of here!…..I’m a fucking god !…ladies if you ever want to make a fella feel right int he world …make him feel wanted…not needed , wanted. I just sort of stood in the living room dumbfounded…trying to think how the hell this was going to turn out …it all looked pretty good …or so i thought.

C

indy way trying to get Mary to leave knowing full well that Mary knew that Cindy wanted me to stay . Cindy also knew that Mary wanted me to go with her.  Confusing? Try being a horny drunk guy. So what did i do …I tried to hit it out of the park…I sat queitly for a few monets trying to think of the best way to word it ….if it comes out correct I’m a golden god , wrong and I’m a dog thats wearing one of those collars that won’t let him lick his nuts!

" You know….there is another option…We could all just go into the room and get  naked together."

the stares were almost as blank as the un-shocking ah ha .

My cab arrived about 5 minutes later.  Swing and a miss!

Later fuckers