fuck your face.

as much as id LOVE to write right now, i know i cant. im surprised this came out legibly. anyway, just wanted to let you all know that i havent forgotten about OD, ive just….well….i just havent been able to get on here on my terms. and my interruptions lead to disappointment towards anything i have to write, no matter what the subject. i see now why some writers are "closed off" for years….. that perspective must come with the territory of wanting and perhaps NEEDING to get certain subjects off the mind… for those of you who cant understand what im talking about, its like when you have a thought that you know is right and you are trying to prove to your mom/girlfriend/boss/superior or what have you that it is correct no matter what.
now, in my case, id like to say take that and multiply it by ten and then ten again, and you might have a vague experience towards the slightest possibility of what it is that i have to go through everyday.
but to me it really doesnt matter. we all die in the end. why spend my life catering to the  "norm" when in then end we all are in the same place?
i mean, every living thing dies.
deal with it.
is that too cryptic for you? am i depressing you? is it because you dont have the mind about you to think for yourself? 
im guessing so.
lets say that again…
EVERY LIVING THING DIES.
so what are you gonna do?
why not live it up?
what is it that YOU really want to do?
let me say that again…another way…
what is it you REALLY want to do?
and the question to top it all off?
WHY are you not doing that?
it cost too much?
its too far away?
no one will do it with me?
none of those answers are right.
here’s the real truth….
YOURE SCARED!
fuckin scared,
comfortable in the life youve come into, 
but willing to skate across the edge of the life you really want…
but you just cant jump in.
DO IT!
you only live once.
id rather be the guy that says "i tried and failed"
over the guy that says "maybe next time…"
cuz when its all done, at least you tried. at least you tried.

anyway…thats all i have to say for now.
live life to the fullest or really, youre just wasting space.
myself included.

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October 9, 2010

omg, Ive had like this exact dialog with myself on so many occasions. And I prid myself on a mind to think for myself. So must you because you can observe this and say how it. Im still a waste of space but I decided I was going to do what I love, I just have to work toward it. That’s improvement, see? =) We dont always need to be a waste of space. If we could, everyone would be important.